


Little Horns, Big Heart

by peridoll



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: Change Your Mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-10-14 11:05:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17507414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peridoll/pseuds/peridoll
Summary: Post-Change Your Mind. Jasper learns how to deal with her emotions with the help of her new family.





	1. The Blanket

**Author's Note:**

> Sub-Title: Jesus Fucking Christ I Literally Gross Sobbed When Jasper Appeared On Screen, I Have Literally So Many Emotions That I Have To Let Out Somehow  
> I'm posting this super late (I also haven't written in twelve billion years, woops) and it's probably messy with lots of mistakes but I needed to PROCESS my feelings about Jasper because my heart is filled with joy and pain and suffering all at once. I still haven't processed the entirety of that episode because damn it was sooo much, but seeing Jasper really made my ENTIRE year. Thank you, Rebecca, for my continuous life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper borrows a comfortable blanket and has a serious talk with Steven on the beach.

The bundle on the sandy shoreline lay motionless, the tide creeping in closer and closer. Steven watched from the newly finished deck, twiddling his thumbs nervously. The sun had just slipped beyond the horizon, the sky fading from orange and pink to purple and blue. Stars twinkled behind the head of the temple and the lighthouse atop the hill. Steven rose from his seat at the outdoor table and carefully and quietly climbed down the stairs.

Even as he approached, the bundle remained still. It could’ve been a pile of rocks covered with a blanket for all anyone knew. Steven’s bare feet sunk into the cool sand as he inched closer, ducking his head to see if the gem had left her patterned face exposed at all. “Hey, uh… The tide’s coming in, you might get wet. Do you wanna come inside, at least?” The blanket, one Steven had stripped off his own bed to give to the gem, shifted as the bundle rolled over. A small blue-green horn poked out, and one eye popped open. “It’s warmer in there, anyway. It’s a chilly night.” To prove his point, the boy rubbed his own arms and shivered.

The side of the gem’s face disappeared into the blanket once again, and with a groan of effort, she rose to her knees. “You just want this back,” she grumbled, letting the blanket fall to around her shoulders, fully revealing her face, dark, heavy bags under her eyes and all. She scowled, nose scrunching in disgust. 

“I mean-” Steven managed a stiff chuckle, holding out a nervous hand as the gem struggled to her feet. “It would be nice. It looks like your enjoying it, though. I have other blankets in the closet-” He was interrupted as Jasper haphazardly tossed the downy comforter over the boy’s head, enveloping him in her residual warmth. He shrugged it over his head, the bottom of it dragging in the sand. Oh well, he wouldn’t be sleeping with it, anyway. It was damp, from where daring waves lapped at the edges.

Jasper plopped back down into the indent she had made in the sand from laying in the same place all day. She slouched, stretching her legs out in front of her and allowing the salty ocean to soak her feet, head hanging and thick blonde mane obscuring her face once again. Discouraged but never one to give in so easily, Steven took a seat beside the massive gem, a breeze carrying the comforting scent of home into his nostrils.

_ Ah, home. _

“You know…” Steven started hesitantly, curling up into a ball to keep the warmth inside the blanket. “Peridot was right. This place-”

“Don’t say that,” Jasper interrupted sharply, bright yellow eyes leering from behind her mop of hair. “She’s not right.”

“This place isn’t all that bad,” Steven continued, headstrong and determined. “She  _ was  _ right, you just don’t want to admit it. But she’s changed, a whole lot! She’s like a completely different gem now. You can change, too, you know.”

“Once a Peridot, always a Peridot,” Jasper growled, turning her head away. “And once a Jasper, always a Jasper. I won’t change, whatever that means.”

“Of course you can!” Steven wiggled closer, leaning over to try and see Jasper’s face again, but she held up a large hand to shield herself. “Trust me, I know it’s hard. I’ve gone through so many changes just in the past two months! I know it’s confusing, and new, and strange, and maybe a little painful… But everything’s changing, and that can include you.”

Cautiously, like startled prey, Jasper lowered her hand and brushed away her bangs. “Why are you doing this, Ro- ... _ Steven _ ?”

“Because I want to help you. I want you to join us! You can be sad and upset, but one of these days you’re gonna  _ have  _ to stop sulking around in all of my blankets! I only have a few left, you know!” His voice dripped with sweet humor, but Jasper winced. Reassuringly, Steven held up his hands. “It’s alright, I’m not actually mad. I was just kidding, I can get you as many blankets as you want.” The gem’s face dropped once again, a deeply rooted frown that hurt Steven’s jaw just to see.

“Why are you doing this?” Jasper stressed again, glowing eyes wandering to the wavering ocean. She stared longingly, reaching for an addictive comfort that left a bad taste in her mouth, but made her crawl back for more time and time again. A comfort that dulled her suffering. “I don’t understand any of this. You’re… Steven, but you’re Rose, but you’re actually Pink Diamond. So what do I believe? Who are you?”

“I know it’s a hard transition, especially after all you went through. I was lost, too. Heck, I didn’t even know who I was. But…” Steven rest a hand on the ring of green on Jasper’s shoulder, stark against her orange skin. She tensed. “I’m not Pink. You don’t have to worship me like a Diamond. I’m not Rose, so you don’t have to fight me, either. I’m just… Steven.” 

Jasper tore herself from the trance of the ocean, meeting Steven’s eyes with a stare of bewilderment. “You mean it…?”

“I super mean it.” With a crooked smile, Steven scooted backward as the tide started to lick at his own feet to avoid getting too wet. Jasper stayed in her spot, eyes wandering once against to the glass-like surface as it reached her knees. They sunk into silence, surrounded only by the rhythmic lull of the waves, the crickets chirping from the bushes lining the beach house, and Jasper’s shallow, pained breathing. It broke Steven’s heart to hear it, but he watched her closely. 

The gem’s hands, fingers splotched with the same green color as her shoulder ring, slipped over her face, gripping the little horns that sprouted from the top of her forehead. “It’s…” she began, forcing her words through gritted teeth. “It’s terrible. I’m terrible. I look like an abomination. Like a mistake! I look at myself and all I see is a disaster.” She tucked her knees in against her chest and bent over to glare at her own reflection, biting her bottom lip hard. She trembled as she spoke, sobs threatening to escape her hulking form. “I’m weak, and pathetic, and useless. I was supposed to be perfect, but deep down I always knew other gems looked at me and saw nothing but one giant mistake!” She squeezed her hand into a fist, suddenly seething with rage towards her own reflection. Her arm twitched with blinding red anger, and she saw flashes of a burned battlefield, shards of gems crunching beneath her feet, her own thoughts drowned out by the screams of hundreds of gems, the clang of metal against metal-

 

She froze as Steven pressed his fingers into the center of her back. 

 

Jasper melted on the spot, an overwhelming release of emotion washing over her. Tears streamed from her eyes like rivers, and as she glanced over to the boy, he seemed to glow a lovely, familiar shade of pink. He smiled gently, which only made Jasper cry even harder. Loud, shameless sobs erupted from her chest, and she hugged herself, afraid that her emotions would tear her form apart at the seams. Her head threw itself back in a frenzy, and she roared like a beast into the night sky. Her toes curled in her boots. The tears pooled in her eyes, blurring her vision, and as they cascaded down her striped face and into the sand, they soaked up immediately. All the while, Steven’s fingers stayed pressed into the center of her back.

Soon her sobs slowed, her body relaxed, her breathing became even. She wiped her own tears from the facets of her gem, rubbing her tired eyes. She swallowed thickly, turning her gaze back towards Steven. “What did… you do to me…?”

“It’s okay to feel, Jasper.” Even hearing the boy say her name seemed to trigger something else within the gem. She cringed, holding her hands up in defense. “I promise you, I won’t ever judge you for feeling things. I feel a whole lot of things. It’s not good to bottle it up inside, you gotta let it out.” Exhaustion set in on Jasper’s shoulders, and with a grunt, she fell onto her back, sprawling out in the sand, her legs submerged in the approaching waves. She didn’t seem to care, at least. Steven joined her, laying on his back as well. Together they watched the starry night sky, before Steven rolled over onto his side, now closer to the quartz soldier than ever before. “Have you ever cried like that?”

Jasper snorted out a sick little laugh. “And get caught? I would be shattered, no questions asked.” Steven frowned, staring intently at the gem’s face.

“Well, do you feel better?” Steven studied her, watching as her eyes flitted from star to star, taking in all of the universe with her intense gaze. 

Jasper took a moment to consider her answer, getting comfortable in the lumpy sand and resting her cupped hands on her stomach. “...Yes.” Steven’s eyes sparkled. She finally noticed him staring, and, embarrassed and red-cheeked, hid her face behind her arm. “Stop looking at me like that.” 

Steven shimmied even closer, close enough to drape half of his blanket over Jasper’s chest. It certainly couldn’t cover all of her, but sharing was enough. “You know, I don’t see any of those things you were talking about. I don’t think you’re weak, or pathetic, or useless. I think you’re brave, and durable, and super useful! You’re resourceful, and intelligent, and strategic… Even now, you don’t look bad at all. At least you look better than you did the last time we saw you, right? It’s an improvement!” Jasper huffed, trailing her eyes on the boy and squinting as his lips curled into a smile. 

“You don’t understand. When I was out there all by myself after being fused w-with Lapis, I was scared and alone, and I felt…” She clenched her chest, scrunching up her newly reformed shirt. “Empty. Powerless. Fusing, it- it made me feel like everything I was created to be. Strong, feared, huge… It felt terrible but amazing at the same time. So when I no longer had it, I was starved for that feeling again. But I was alone. And for the first time in my existence, I didn’t… want to be alone. I needed to prove my worth somehow.”

“You can totally get that kind of power again!” Steven gave the gem’s bicep a stern squeeze. “But it has to be healthy. You were only hurting yourself by forcing yourself into those fusions, you know. It ended up badly for you, and I don’t wanna see you go through that again. There’s so much more in this world that’ll make you feel strong! And you have to find it within yourself.” He paused, resting his cheek against the gem’s shoulder. “I felt powerless one time, too. I felt like everything was out of my control, and it was all spiraling too fast. But I found this light inside of me that told me to keep fighting. And believe it or not- you helped me, Jasper.”

Jasper perked up, the corner of her lip twitching. 

“If you hadn’t mentioned Pink Diamond in the first place, I wouldn’t have ever learned about my mom. And- Jasper, we all make big mistakes. I’ve made some, my mom made some, and you made some. But it’s not about the mistakes we make, it’s about how we recover from them. And sometimes all you need to get on the road to recovery is a big ol hug and a friend.”

Bit by bit, a smile snuck onto Jasper’s face, one Steven hadn’t seen before on her. It made her face lighten up, rounded cheeks and square jaw softer than before, her eyebrows no longer taut and angry. 

“And you’re not perfect. Nobody is.”

As if the weight of the last few thousand years had been lifted from her body, Jasper sunk into the sand with a drawn-out sigh of relief. “Thank the stars.”

Steven giggled, patting Jasper’s shoulder comfortingly. “You have a big heart, Jasper. I think you always have, but it’s been hidden behind lots of junk. Your heart’s like… a storage room. Sometimes you gotta do some spring cleaning and throw some of that junk out, even if it’s hard. Sometimes you have to invite a friend to help you. But we’ll get through all of your junk.”

The quartz blinked. “I have no clue what that means.” Steven broke into his contagious laugh, making Jasper smile again as well. 

“That’s okay! We’ll show you. We’re all here to help you out. Me, the guys, Peridot- even Lapis! You guys have a  _ lot  _ to unpack, but we’ll get to that when you’re ready.” The boy sat up, drawing the beach-covered blanket off of both of them, sprinkling them in a coating of sand. He sputtered and spat some out, then fluffed up his smoky black hair, sending the particles flying. “This is your home as much as mine, and you’ll learn to like it! Maybe even love it. I’ll show you everything there is to love- oh, I think you’ll  _ really  _ love Fish Stew Pizza! And Funland- well, if you can fit on the rides. You might be too tall.” As the boy stood, he brushed himself off, then held out an inviting hand. “Let’s just start small-scale, though. You can have the couch.” 

Jasper reached up, taking the boy’s hand, and with disturbing ease, he hoisted the gem to her feet. “Whoa, you’re strong,” she marveled, copying him by shaking the sand from her mane of hair like a wet dog. 

“I got it from my mom’s side,” the boy joked, winking playfully. “Are you ready to go home?”

“Yeah…” Jasper threw one last glance over her shoulder to the vast sea. She shook her head and instead turned her longing gaze towards the beach house. “Yeah, I am.” 


	2. The Donut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper tries a donut for the first time and tackles her insecurities with her new sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another late night ficlet (I actually wrote this entirely on my phone in bed in the dark, but it came to me and you always write what comes to you, lesson learned)!! I decided I wanted to continue with this idea of Jasper Coping(tm) because I still haven't fully processed that episode. I actually watched it TWICE today and I just fell in love with how Amethyst approached Jasper with "hey, sis". Will I ever get over the fact that Jasper is okay?? Probably not, at least not until I've written a chapter with her interacting with EVERYONE god damn it.

“Hey, sis!” Amethyst called out from the edge of the boardwalk. She pranced across the sand like a lopsided giselle, and Jasper watched from her spot closer to the water with an amused smirk. “Just the gem I wanted to see! What’re you up to?”

Jasper took a step back from the towering sand castle she had created using a bucket set borrowed from Steven’s closet. She had broken one of the plastic containers after gripping it too hard, but quickly buried the evidence, and was hoping that the missing bucket would go unnoticed. She brushed her sandy hands off on her pants and crossed her arms over her broad chest. “Building a corrupt kingdom led by cruel dictators with little to no concern about their own populace.”

“Ohh, sweet, sounds fun! You should build a mote-" Amethyst stopped suddenly as the metallic  _ shhhring  _ of Jasper’s helmet forming interrupted her, and watched on, mortified, as Jasper headbutted her sandy creation, toppling the carefully stacked towers in one mighty blow. “Hey, why’d you do that!? You’ve been out here all morning working on-“

Jasper’s helmet disappeared with a  _ poof,  _ and she turned a stern glance towards the smaller gem. “It’s been dismantled.”

It took a moment for Amethyst to process the situation, but when the pieces lined up, she snapped her fingers and winked. “Ohh, gotcha. Nice job, sis! You really kicked their asses. Stick it to them pigs!” The purple quartz held out an encouraging fist for a sisterly bump, but Jasper only raised a quizzical eyebrow. “You’re just gonna leave me hanging, man?”

“You’re not hanging anywhere,” Jasper stated flatly, bending to pick up the collection of buckets and fitting them neatly back together. 

“No, no, uh-“ Amethyst scratched her chin, sighing in mild frustration. “It’s called a fist bump. It’s like a friend thing! All you have to do is make a fist and punch it against mine. It’s like a greeting, or if something cool happens.” 

Jasper squinted her golden eyes, moving a lock of hair over her horns to try and hide them better, especially since they were around humans. She balled her hand into a strong fist, and when Amethyst offered hers up again, the quartz swung and smashed their knuckles together forcefully. Amethyst recoiled with a yelp, shaking out her damaged hand.

“We’ll work on that one. Jeez, you know everything’s not a How-Hard-Can-I-Punch-This competition, right?” Jasper shrunk, uncurling her fingers and glaring down at her own palm. “It’s alright, dude! Just not so hard next time, you’ll get it eventually!” With a snort, Amethyst playfully smacked Jasper’s shoulder. “Anyway, I can take it as much as I dish it. Wanna go get a coffee?”

Jasper’s face twisted in question. “Coffee?”

“Has Steven not even shown you the Big Donut yet?!” The purple gem’s voice cracked in excitement as her eyes lit up. 

“He’s been busy. Something about restoring communication lines with Homeworld,” Jasper grumbled, grasping the handle of the buckets. Amethyst swiped them from her grip, tossing them further up the beach.

“C’mon, we gotta go now! You gotta try their donuts, you’ll love them!” With a pep in her short step, Amethyst dashed off towards the boardwalk, and Jasper followed at a much slower pace, not wanting to draw attention to herself as she passed by humans, dwarfed by her height. Even the smallest glance from them felt like knives in her back, and she hung her head shamefully.

By the time she reached the doors of the local donut shop, Amethyst bounced ecstatically at the glass door. She swung it open and entered, walking confidently as if she owned the place. Jasper ducked her head as she followed suit.

The quartz soldier didn’t recognize the gems standing at the counters wearing silly purple  _ shirts _ , and she tensed under their shocked gaze, but Amethyst gasped and slung herself against the counter.

“No way, how’d they get you guys to work here?!” The purple gem asked. 

“Lars appointed us to these positions for the time being!” Since they were distracted, Jasper took the moment to scrutinize the unfamiliar gems. The one who spoke first was a fusion, with mismatched arms and four eyes and big, fluffy hair. She scowled. 

“Yes, he said this job was very important to him!”

“And until he gets back from his “date”, we have to hold down the fort for him!”

This other gem… Jasper recognized the appearance as a Rutile, but something seemed disastrously wrong with her. She tore her eyes away, and stepped with heavy boots to the side, instead fiddling with the contraption that sat on the counter beside a stack of small paper cups.

“No way, that’s sick! He and Sadie must be gettin’ it oooon,” Amethyst giggle-snorted, leaning over the counter. “So you can get us the exclusive free friend discount, right?” she whispered all-too-obviously, and was met by a gasp of shock from the fusion.

“That’s against the rules! We would get Lars in trouble!” 

“Ahh, just kidding! I was pulling your leg. Besides, I stole all of the money out of Greg’s wallet this morning.” The purple gem whipped out a stack of bills and waved them about with a proud grin, before she spun around and motioned Jasper over. “C’mere, pick some donuts out!”

Hesitantly, Jasper shuffled her way over, avoiding eye contact with the gems behind the counter. She scanned her options, all confusing and new and a bit overwhelming.  _ Strawberry cream filled, chocolate sprinkle surprise, spicy red hot mango?  _ The quartz soldier shot a panicked look to her sister, who gave her shoulder a reassuring pat.

“No pressure, I’ll pick for us. Let’s see, I’ll get-“

The door to the right of the counter burst open suddenly, and a shorter Sapphire shimmied out of the back room. “Amethyst is about to visit, and she has a new friend!”

For the first time, and on accident, Jasper locked eyes with the fusion, and there was no backing down. 

“Oh yeah, uh- hi there,” the fusion stuttered, nervously wringing her thinner hands together. “You’re a… Jasper?”

Jasper scoffed, shooting daggers from her radiant eyes. “Do I look like a Jasper to you?” She received a swift smack to the stomach from her companion. 

“Jasper, be nice! They’re friends, not food,” the purple gem scolded, and for a moment Jasper thought about grabbing the gem’s hair and lifting her up and over the counter. But she took a deep breath, and counted-  _ one, two, three, four… _

“Yeah, I’m a Jasper.” The quartz felt a rush of self-awareness, and quickly raised both hands to cover the horns jutting from her forehead. “This- this isn’t normal for Jaspers. I’m not normal anymore.”

The fusion gem cracked a nervous laugh, pressing her bigger hands against her pink-toned face. “Great! Neither are we!” 

By then, Amethyst had collected her bag of goods, and Jasper thanked the stars for being able to escape that awkward conversation. They grabbed two cups of what Amethyst called coffee, a brown, steaming liquid that wafted a delicious smell across Jasper’s cheeks, and the quartz soldier was set to be in charge of them as they exited the shop. She held them as delicately as she could, the cups massively disproportionate to her large hands, and was glad that Amethyst didn’t take them too far to sit. They settled at one of the outdoor tables, an umbrella blocking the bright sun. Jasper barely fit in the chair, but she did her best to wiggle her hips into the tight quarters.

“Alright, so I got all of my favorites for you to try,” Amethyst began, uncrumpling the top of the paper bag and removing the donuts one by one, placing each on its own separate napkin. “My all-time favorite is this one- the triple chocolate supreme. This one’s coconut, this one’s regular ol jelly, and this is a powdered! I figured I’d start you off with some classics.”

Jasper certainly was listening, but Amethyst’s words flew right over her head. Nonetheless, even if she didn’t understand what any of the flavors meant, she reached for one- one covered with a generous coating of white dust. At first she sniffed at it, then stuck her tongue against the powdered outside, as Amethyst stared intently with sparkling eyes. Finally, Jasper braved a small bite of the treat and chewed. Amethyst waited with baited breath. After letting the sweet white dust dissolve in her mouth, letting the chewy dough break up between her sharp incisors, Jasper swallowed. 

“Well…? What’d ya think?”

“It’s…” Jasper gazed down at the donut, the powder getting everywhere, all over her hands and shirt- and smiled. “Good.”

Amethyst let out a triumphant hoot, holding out a fist to the bigger gem. Responding quickly, Jasper tapped their knuckles together, much softer this time. “Score one for the donuts! Wanna try the coffee, too? Donuts and coffee are meant to be together.”

Jasper watched, enthralled, as her fellow quartz chugged her entire cup at once and tossed the remaining vessel into her mouth as well, chomping on the paper material with a satisfied glint in her eyes. Not wanting to do that much, Jasper instead lifted the small cup to her plump lips, the steam from the liquid fogging up the tip of her gem. She took a reluctant sip and nodded in agreement. 

“It’s warm,” she observed, feeling the liquid bubble and rush inside her very being. It felt like swallowing one of Steven’s warm hugs. It made her cheeks turn red. She took another sip. 

 

After their snack, Amethyst led Jasper deeper into town, further than Jasper had dared to wander alone. In fact, she had only wandered further down the beach, a spot she recognized from her maddened rampage months before. The memory left a bad imprint in her mind, but it was where Jasper decided to build her sand castle. Uncomfortably, Jasper rubbed her own elbow and strode after Amethyst, past businesses and  _ humans _ , and she outwardly cringed at each tiny glance she received. Her head hung low, concealing her protruding horns. The distant hum of gem activity surrounded her, as she imagined herself approaching a grand throne, head bowed low and obediently like a dog to its owner. Gems lined the room, all chattering to each other, but she knew they were talking about her, all staring at her, all judging and expecting her to be- 

“Hey,” Amethyst’s crackly voice broke through the memory, and Jasper almost tripped over the smaller gem. “Are you good, my dude?” Her lips pursed in genuine concern, eyebrows pulled together and eyes gentle. “Here, I wanna show you a cool little hangout spot.”

Hurriedly, Amethyst led Jasper away from the crowd of the boardwalk and beneath the structural pillars that held up the amusement park just above them. It was a shaded area, with shrubs sprouting up along the cliff line. The waves rolling in from the sea were especially choppy, broken up by the pillars that jutted deep into the ocean bottom. Amethyst plopped down with a content sigh, and Jasper quickly followed, glancing over for approval.

They sat in silence for a long moment, and Jasper dug her fingers into the sand, letting the particles engulf her hands fully in its cool grasp. 

“This is a nice little spot I like to come to when I wanna hide,” Amethyst started, leaning back on her hands and shutting her eyes. Jasper did the same, trying her best to relax, but her shoulders stayed tense. “It’s my thinking spot. Where I come to think.” 

“Mhm…” Jasper hummed in response. She could’ve fallen asleep to the lull of the waves crashing over and over, but she soon felt a pair of eyes resting on her, and she grew restless. “What are you looking at?” the quartz soldier demanded, her eyes still squeezed shut.

“You can spill it, you know. Whatever’s on your mind, I wanna hear it.” Amethyst’s voice had dropped, nearly blending in with the sounds of the sea, and Jasper poked one eye open to read the other’s lips. 

“It’s nothing,” Jasper lied, shaking her head. “Nothing of importance.”

“Everything’s important somehow, dude,” the gem beside her shifted to sit facing her with her legs crossed together, leaning over her own lap. “Tell me, sis.”

Jasper melted. Her big heart was beginning to grow soft day after day she spent in the cozy beachside town. She could feel it in every inch of her existence. Her lip quivered for a second, but she cleared her throat before speaking. She didn’t want to cry in front of Amethyst. Anyone but Amethyst.

“These horns…” She slipped her fingers up her face, long claws scratching her skin as they slid, and she gripped the cursed things stuck in her head. “They’re just a reminder, and I still can’t stand to look at my own reflection. They’re ugly, and I  _ know  _ people are looking at them and judging me. I  _ know  _ what they’re thinking; she’s not normal, she’s different, she’s not one of us…” The whispers of long past gems echoed in her ears. Jasper felt a bubble of hot rage form in her chest, and she bit her lip.

“Honestly, I think they’re dope as hell!” Amethyst rest a hand on Jasper’s arm. “But seriously, we’ve all got our own issues going on, I seriously doubt anyone’s stopping on the street to judge you. I took me  _ years  _ to accept myself- I mean, look at me! It’s like you say, I’m an overcooked runt.” The purple gem burst out in a hearty chuckle, tossing her head back. “But I’m me, and that’s all I can be, so I had to learn to love myself, ya know? And trust me, it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a hard, rough journey, but you’re  _ Jasper _ , you can do anything you set your mind to, can’t you?”

Amethyst glowed with a hopeful light, that only seemed to suffocate Jasper. She looked away, mumbling to herself. “Sure, whatever you say…”

Not even a bit discouraged, Amethyst scooted around to Jasper’s other side, following the quartz’s gaze to stay in her line of sight. “And I didn’t do it alone. I had someone there to help me along the way and to catch me when I fell. I had… a family. And that’s what you have now, too, sis.” 

Stubbornly, Jasper turned her nose to the sky just to steer clear of her companion’s determined face. “Yeah, cool, whatever,” she huffed, shrugging her shoulders as indifferently as possible. Her facade was beginning to crack, she could feel it in her gut.

For a moment, Amethyst tapped her chin in thought. She suddenly snapped her fingers, and hopped to her feet, intruding into Jasper’s line of sight successfully once again. “How about a vacation?”

“Va...ca...tion?” Jasper copied, growling in frustration. “You have to elaborate on these human things, Amethyst, you know I don’t understand them.”

The purple gem apologetically waved her hands, then pointed up to the clear blue sky. “We can go visit some extended family. Now that all this Diamond stuff is situated, I bet we have an unlimited pass to The Zoo! Which meaaaans…” Amethyst clapped both hands on Jasper’s shoulders, making the soldier startle. “You can meet the Famethyst!”

Jasper shrugged the insistent gem’s hands away but humored her friend. “Famethyst? What the fuck is that?”

“Not a  _ what,  _ a  _ who _ ! It’s a whole squad of Earth quartzes, our family! There’s even some Jaspers, and they look just like you! Well, definitely smaller, but all the other Amethyst’s are bigger than me! You’ll fit right in!” Amethyst’s blooming enthusiasm almost made Jasper trip into the tide pool of blind joy, but she teetered. 

“I bet none of them look like me,” she hissed coldly, crossing her arms over her chest. Amethyst’s face drooped, and a wave of guilt washed over the quartz. 

“Why do you have to be such a brat?” Amethyst sighed, but her goofy smile was fast to return. “I’m not gonna give up on you, though. Sorry, you’re stuck with me.” That damn smile struck Jasper deep, and she bit back another snarky reply. But any drop of frustration left in the quartz’s tired body evaporated as the purple gem shapeshifted a pair of crooked horns. 

“There, now we’re matching,” Amethyst declared with a  _ humpfh  _ and a pout, mimicking Jasper’s crossed arms. “And if anybody on the street tries to mess with you or tell you off…” She cracked her knuckles audibly, lips curling into a vicious, toothy grin. “I’ll kick their ass. Got it, sis?”

At last, Jasper’s wavering wall crumbled, and she let out a bellowing laugh, pressing a hand to her face. “You’re so stupid,” she teased. 

“But I’m  _ your  _ stupid!” 

They both hugged their own stomachs as quartz-sized bubbles of laughter welled up inside of them, and Jasper wiped away a single happy tear. As the laughter faded, Jasper mustered up an exhausted smirk. “Thanks.”

“No prob, sis.” Amethyst bundled her hand into a fist and held it up. “Fist bump?”

Jasper curled her fingers against her palms, smiling down at the rings of green that permanently stained her red fingers. She punched in her fist against Amethyst’s for the perfect  _ thump _ . “Fist bump.”


	3. The Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper listens to some new music and confronts some broken and corrupted past relationships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Here's another chapter! This one is a little longer since Peridot is one of my favorite characters to write (along with Jasper and Lapis). Hope ya'll like it!

Jasper had only caught glimpses of Steven over the past two weeks as he rushed around like a busy little gem. The only times she saw the overactive boy stay still for more than five minutes was when he crawled through the door at night and curled up in bed. He would offer a weak and tired “hi” to Jasper, who had set up camp on the upgraded sofa on the first level of the beach house, before disappearing under his covers. Jasper would watch over him, golden eyes peering through the inky darkness of the room, before settling down herself.

She found she enjoyed these “naps”. It was Steven, one night when he stayed up to watch something on his “television screen”, who told her about them. “ _ You just close your eyes, relax, and let your mind wander _ ,” he had explained. “ _ You technically don’t need to sleep, but it’s nice! Amethyst naps all the time _ .” And it  _ was _ nice, Jasper discovered. She would shut her eyes and her body would feel lighter than normal, as if she was floating away into the sky. She would see images and scenes change before her, shots of the endless ocean and a snowy forest, all void of existence and simply… beautiful. It put her at ease.

Every time he walked through the swinging door, Jasper would perk up, hoping that today would be the day he would slow down. He had promised to show Jasper the town, but she had already seen it. Surely there was more to see. But that day wouldn’t come, once again; the boy shrugged his shoulders apologetically. “Sorry, I gotta go talk to Yellow and Blue about some stuff. I promise we’ll hang out soon! Why don’t you go see Peridot? She’s in the garage just around the back of the hill.” And with that, he hurried through the gem-adorned door into a cloud of pink. Jasper sighed.

Why  _ would  _ she go see Peridot? The last time they spoke wasn’t exactly pleasant. She could recall how it felt when the corruption spread through her gem, into her metaphysical body, tearing and stretching her limbs, things shifting and moving in ways they shouldn't have. But it ended with a  _ pop _ . The last thing she had seen with clear eyes was a metal rod flying towards her.

The quartz shook her head wildly, dispelling the memory, and stood from her near-permanent spot on the couch. Feeling too antsy, she paced the room, rubbing the palms of her warm hands against her face. With a disgruntled growl, she spun on her heel and headed for the door.

Steven was right. As she followed the curve of the hill, there sat a newly built garage, big enough to house a Ruby-sized ship. A giant pair of pink legs leaned daintily against the backside of the building. Music blared from inside, echoing unpleasantly against the metal walls and contaminating the clear air. Jasper cringed just hearing it. But she approached, stepping through the wide open door and into the generous space.

Peridot’s yellow boots poked out from underneath a small, green vessel. It looked beat to hell, with the front windshield missing and the insides spilling out. Jasper could hear distinct grumbling and mumbling coming from underneath the ship. She coughed once to announce her arrival but was drowned out by the terribly loud music, which just sounded like a lot of screeching and banging. She coughed again, this time louder, and Peridot jerked, banging her head on the bottom of the spacecraft. She slid out on her rolling platform, massaging her sore gem, and glared up at the towering quartz. 

“Hey, what’s the deal?!” the smaller gem snapped at first, but realizing who it was, scurried messily to her feet and pressed herself against the door of her ship. “Oh, it’s you!”

They exchanged mutually disgusted looks, and Jasper cupped her hands over her mouth and shouted over the music; “What are you doing?!”

“What does it look like I’m doing?! I’m building!” Peridot shouted in return, gripping her wrench in one hand. 

“No, I mean-” Jasper clasped her hands over her head to try and block out the blaring music, which was beginning to claw at her already pounding mind. “What are you listening to?!”

“What?!”

“Turn the fucking music off, Peridot!” The green gem grabbed a portable screen and tapped her fingers against it, and at last, the painful music stopped, leaving the garage in a vacuum of silence. Jasper snarled, raising an aggressive fist. 

“Hey, you were the one who came bursting into  _ my  _ garage, I was enjoying myself!” Peridot held out the tablet in defense, and slowly, Jasper lowered her fist. “I don’t appreciate you coming in here and giving me orders. You’re not in charge, you know. You never were.” Peridot muttered the last part quietly enough for Jasper to barely miss.

Through gritted teeth, Jasper growled, “Say that again?”

Puffing up her tiny chest, Peridot repeated herself, “I said, you’re not in charge, and you never were.” In one swift movement, Jasper grabbed the front of the smaller gem’s shirt, scrunching up the decorative star, and lifted her off the ground, coming face to face with her.

“I’ll squash you like a bug, runt.”

“I’ll tell Steven! I’ll tell him you’re bullying me!” Peridot threatened, though her eyes reflected no fear at all. Not like they used to. Jasper dropped the gem back to her feet, and she stumbled clumsily. “I’m not afraid of you anymore, Jasper. Those days are looong gone.” The green gem set down the tablet on the table beside her workspace, which was already cluttered with a collection of differently shaped tools and gadgets, and grabbed a cloth, buffing the outside of her spacecraft.

Disheveled, Jasper combed a hand through her hair, which had frizzed up in the heat of the moment. She flattened it back over her little horns. “You’re distracting me, I didn’t even come here to fight with you. I came here-” 

Peridot rudely interrupted with her obnoxiously catty laugh, the strength of it making her entire small body squirm as she hugged her own stomach. “A Jasper who  _ didn’t _ come here to fight?! Now  _ that’s  _ a riot! I’ve never heard that one before!” Anger bubbled in Jasper’s chest again, but she suppressed it and tried to take in a deep breath to calm herself.  _ ‘No fighting, no fighting’ _ , she chanted in her head.

“I came here to see what you were doing. There, is that allowed? I’m just… trying to find something to do with my time. I can leave, if-”

“I didn’t say he had to leave!” Peridot’s voice squeaked, and her eyebrows scrunched together. “Okay, let’s start this thing over again- Oh, it’s you.”

Awkwardly, Jasper crossed her arms over her chest, avoiding eye contact with the smaller gem as she gazed up at her. “Hi. It’s me.” She thanked the stars as Peridot turned with her wrench, going back to tweaking her project. “What was all that racket?”

“Oh, it’s Lapis’s playlist. I’m not a huge fan of it, but she told me to give it a listen. It’s called heavy metal, so she thought I’d like it.” Jasper cringed at that name, but luckily Peridot wasn’t looking. “We can listen to something else if it’s not your cup of tea.”

The gem, one who had once been too serious and too jumpy, had adopted many human phrases that went right over Jasper’s head. But the quartz knew if she questioned it, they would be there all day. That was one way the Peridot hadn’t changed; she still had a whole mouthful of things to say. “Yeah, sure.”

With an excited flap, Peridot dropped the wrench, and it floated midair beside her as she hopped up onto the hood of the ship with her tablet. “Let’s see, let’s see… What would you like… Hmmm…” She squinted in focus at the screen, using her finger to flick and scroll, and Jasper scooted closer, curious to see what was on it. “Ah-ha! I know!” She tapped on an item on the screen, out of a long list of items. “This is a band called King. They were crazy popular in the 70s and 80s. In fact, they’re still popular today! They did chart-topping songs, such as  _ Beatnik Rhapsody, We Are The Conquerors _ , and my personal favorite…  _ We’re Gonna Rock You _ !” The green gem’s lips curled into a cheeky grin. “Get it? Get it? We’re Gonna  _ Rock _ You?” She elbowed Jasper insistently, her grin stretching more and more. “It’s because we’re rocks!” 

“Yeah, I get it. Ha ha, you’re so funny,” Jasper replied, deadpan, glaring daggers into the other gem’s head. “Just play the damned music.”

“Okay, okay, I will,” Peridot snickered under her breath as she scrolled, then tapped the screen. A song, much more tolerable than the previous one, began to play from the portable tablet. Jasper plopped down on the dusty floor of the garage and closed her eyes. 

The song felt like an exhilarating ride. It went up, it went down, it went quiet and then loud, calm and slow followed by a section of fast, upbeat drums… She didn’t even have to listen to the lyrics or understand what the singer was saying, the music itself told its own story. By the end of it, Jasper was, unbeknownst to even herself, grinning from cheek to cheek. As the last chords, played on a piano, melted away, the quartz soldier slowly opened her eyes.

Peridot gazed wide-eyed and mouth agape down at the quartz, eyes twinkling. “You liked it,” she stated matter-of-factly, which is when Jasper noticed the smile plastered across her face. She quickly dropped it, ducking her head and coughing awkwardly. “You  _ really  _ liked it.”

“It was okay,” Jasper’s voice cracked mid-sentence as she lied. It was so much more than just okay. It filled her soul and mind with… something indescribable, something that moved her and filled her with joy. “It was just okay.”

“Oh, you  _ loved  _ it!” Peridot hopped excitedly down from her spot on the hood, jogging in place and holding the tablet close to her chest. “I know what else you’ll absolutely love! It’s my favorite show, Camp Pining-”

“Hey, Peridot-” came a voice from outside, the sound of beating wings fast approaching.

“Uh oh,” Peridot mumbled, quickly stepping in front of the towering quartz as if she was trying to conceal her.

“I brought us some lemonade!” A painfully familiar blue gem dropped in front of the wide garage doors. She held two glasses filled to the brim with a pale yellow liquid, chock full of ice cubes. Jasper froze on the spot. 

Lapis’s face dropped the second she made eye contact with Jasper. Jasper’s first instinct was to run. Her second, to hide. And her third, to chase. She did none of those, and instead, as still as a statue, held her breath. Lapis’s eyes bore into her, as blue and reflective as the sea. It felt like chains held her down, a tightness closing around her throat, as she drowned in the gem’s hypnotic gaze. She wanted to look away, to escape the grasps of the restraints and breathe a mouthful of fresh air, but she couldn’t.

The blue gem approached, handing the two glasses to Peridot, unblinking as her eyes stayed glued to Jasper’s. “Enjoy,” she faked a smile. At last, she ripped away her unforgiving gaze, breaking Jasper’s intense trance. The larger gem let out a sigh, her shoulders slouching. “I gotta go.” She was looking at Peridot now, with gentle, thoughtful eyes. She reached a hand out and wiped away a grease smudge from Peridot’s face, before spinning around and, with a great leap, taking off on her freeing wings. 

 

Jasper missed flying.

 

“Lapis, wait!” Peridot called after her friend, but the water gem was already just a speck in the distance. The air in the garage suffocated both of them in a tense discomfort. Peridot set down the glasses on her workstation and glanced up unsurely at the quartz. “A-anyway… Forgetting about that, as I was saying, there’s this show called Camp Pining Hearts that I love. Wanna go watch it?” 

‘ _ Anything to get out of here. Anything to distract me from her. _ ’ “Yeah, sure.”

 

* * *

 

 

The duo used the warp pad inside of Steven’s house to teleport to what Peridot called the farm, and when they arrived, Jasper couldn’t help but to gawk. It was a vast open field, almost as endless as the ocean, but it thrived with life. Down one path sat a large red building, with decorations adorning the outside and a see-through window with a latch on one side of the roof. Down another path lay a stretch of smaller huts, and the uncorrupted gems, many she recalled from Rose’s fountain, bustled about carrying building materials and chatting away with each other. Beside that sprouted a whole array of plants and stocks, vegetables of different colors and shapes, and a separate section for flowers, both short and tall.

Peridot had already walked off down the path towards the red building, but Jasper trailed her eyes on the commotion of the other gems. Three were approaching, but she recognized two of them too late. The third already spotted her.

“Hey, hotshot!” the rainbow-haired gem shouted, waving a friendly arm. “C’mere, I wanna ask you something!” 

There was no escape. She could’ve pretended she didn’t hear her, follow after Peridot and ignore the trio, but the builder gem was stomping towards her now. The other two, a pair of fellow quartzes with similar horns as herself, whispered to each other but followed after their rainbow-colored companion. Jasper hung her head. 

“Hey, bud!” Bismuth greeted the quartz with a hardy smack on Jasper’s green-stained shoulder. “We’ve got quite the operation goin’ on here, huh?” Proudly, the stocky gem propped her hand on her hips.

“It sure is something.” 

“And you know, there’s always room for one more if you get sick of Steven’s couch.” With a bubbly chuckle, Bismuth nudged the brown-colored jasper beside her, who giggled in response as well. “I didn’t exactly build it with a big ol jasper like you in mind!”

“I know.” Jasper itched to walk away. Being in the company of the two jaspers- two jaspers she imprisoned and tried to control, two jaspers who looked at her with pity- made her sick with guilt. It churned within her and only worsened when the blue one brushed away her thick bangs from one eye to  _ really  _ look at her.

“Just let me know if you ever wanna move, we’ve got all the space in the world here!” Bismuth continued optimistically. “And hey- you should meet your neighbors. This is my good friend Biggs-” the rainbow-colored gem motioned to the brown quartz, and she offered a small “hey”. “-And this is Ocean!” The blue and pink gem clasped her hands together and held them up to her chest, her lips parted as if she was about to speak. The echo of pained yelps and corrupted growls filled Jasper’s head. 

Biggs held out a hand, and, begrudgingly, Jasper shook it firmly. “I hope this isn’t too invasive, but it’s been on my mind and I’ve thought about it for a while.” The gem took in a careful, slow breath, before brushing back her hair as well. “I forgive you.”

Jasper’s knees nearly buckled. She wanted to grovel at the other gem’s feet, grab her hands and hold them for eternity and thank her over and over again. She wanted to beg and plead for her to take it back, scream that she didn’t deserve it. Her mistakes were too grave, too many and too much. She stood there, her hands shaking like a leaf, and only managed one single pathetic “thank you.”

The blue-green ringlets on her fingers matched Ocean’s skin perfectly, a fact Jasper desperately tried to ignore. It was a reminder of the corruption that spread throughout Jasper’s gem like a disease when she made one stupid, desperate choice. But it was hard to when the blue gem stepped closer, her own cupped hands trembling. “I wanted to say something, too.” For a jasper, her voice was surprisingly soothing and kind, like a gentle chord in a song. “I’m sorry.”

Jasper’s head snapped up, startling the soft-voiced quartz. “For what? What in the entire universe do you have to apologize for?”

“For the pain you went through.” Ocean untangled her fingers to instead press them against her patterned gem. “I don’t remember much, but I do remember your pain. In that brief moment, I felt all of your fear, and agony, and desperation to save yourself… It was worse than any scar I could have received.” 

Overwhelmed with grief, Jasper covered her face with both of her large palms, dropping to one knee on the grass. She felt a hand touch the top of her head, and it began to stroke her unkempt hair. Ocean’s cold touch subdued the larger gem almost immediately, and she cautiously peeked through her fingers. “I hope you find your peace,” the other gem whispered, loud enough only for the two of them to hear. Her cold fingers brushed against one of Jasper’s mismatched horns, before drawing away and leaving the quartz soldier winded. “I wish you the best of luck.” She stood from her bent-over position, and with a sigh of relief, returned to her companions, leaving Jasper kneeling on the ground.

She would’ve stayed there all day, curled up in a bubble of conflicting emotions, if it weren’t for the blue-gray hand that reached out for her. She took it graciously, and Bismuth yanked her back to her feet and back to reality. The two jaspers had already walked away, bumping against each other and laughing happily. “We’re all in this together, see?” Bismuth said, squeezing Jasper’s hand in her strong grip. “You’re one of us now, and we all fight for each other, no matter what. That’s what it means to be a crystal gem. Forgive and forget. We all make mistakes that we wish we could take back, but all we can do is march forward. Got it?” 

Shaken to the core, Jasper could merely nod in agreement. 

“Great. I’ll see ya around, hotshot. Don’t cause any trouble, now!” Bismuth snapped her fingers and winked, then hurried after the other gems. 

The grating sound of corrupted howls faded from Jasper’s mind, instead replaced by the lull of Ocean’s sincere apology. 

“Are you coming or what?!” Peridot shouted from a distance, impatiently tapping her foot on the ground. With a deep exhale, Jasper finally followed after the green gem.

 

* * *

 

 

The interior of the red building was neatly organized, lined with shelves of knick-knacks, podiums displaying various objects with plaques scribbled with descriptions. “You see, when Lapis dropped the barn on Blue Diamond during our brave stand on the beach after Garnet’s wedding, a lot of stuff was destroyed. But I dug through the wreckage and found the most important things, like my old recorder! Lapis and I wanted to start fresh, so we’re slowly recreating our meep-morp museum.” 

On one of the displays sat the foot from Peridot’s limb enhancers, with the title  _ My Past Self _ . Jasper pointed to it and snorted. “Why did you keep that thing?”

“Just to remind myself of how far I’ve come!” Peridot chirped, then grabbed Jasper’s forearm and dragged her through the displays and to a staircase. “You can look at our beautiful art pieces later, we have more important things to do!” She led Jasper up the stairs to a spacious loft, furnished with a couch, a reclining chair, a hammock off to the side, a few stacks of books, and a large TV, much bigger than the one in Steven’s room. The whole place was lit up with twinkling bulbs strung along the walls. Natural sunlight also filled the room from the large latched window. Below the window was a landing platform, like an entrance, and Jasper could only imagine who it was meant for.

“I have all of Camp Pining Hearts on DVD and VHS, but it’s the 2010s! Everything is streamable nowadays, and they just put all of the seasons of Flixflix!”

Jasper’s head tilted like a confused dog, and she quirked an eyebrow. “I didn’t understand a single thing that just came out of your mouth.”

“That’s okay! Just sit and enjoy!” The smaller gem gave Jasper a surprisingly tough shove to the couch, and she obediently sat. The couch groaned and creaked, dipping downwards where Jasper sat, and after grabbing a remote, Peridot flung herself onto the spot beside Jasper. The smaller gem tilted, the couch uneven from Jasper’s much heavier weight, but remedied the potentially touchy situation by tucking a cylinder shaped pillow between them, giving herself something to lean against besides the quartz’s shoulder. The quartz grabbed one of the sofa pillows as well and hugged it to her chest as Peridot navigated through some menus on the large television screen. “Okay, shh, it’s starting.”

 

* * *

 

Jasper hated to admit that the show was sucking her in. Some nights, she had listened to Steven watching his shows, the screen flickering light into the otherwise dark room, but seeing the action and drama unfold before her very eyes was embarrassingly engaging. Time flew, the sun setting without her knowledge, and before she knew it, they had reached the end credits of the first season.

Peridot bounced in her seat, eyes sparkling behind her yellow visor. “Well, what did you think? Did you love it or did you love it?”

“Those are the same thing,” Jasper pointed out snarkily, cracking a wise smirk. “It was okay, I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would.”

“I knew it! I knew you would! You have to tell me who your favorite was. Do you like Paulette and Percy together more, or the superior pairing of Percy and Pierre? In my honest opinion, Pierre deserves a  _ ton  _ more credit than he gets, he’s probably the best camper in the entire show! If it was just him on a team, he could beat everyone else with one hand tied behind his back! And sometimes, especially in the first season, I feel like they’re forcing Paulette’s personality. If she really was that weak, she shouldn’t be at the camp in the first place! She’s obviously just trying to get Percy to take care of her, but I will say her character arc in the second half of season two makes up for-”

“Peridot,” Jasper interrupted the green gem’s animated rant. “Do you… ever think about going back to Homeworld?”

Peridot shrunk back into the couch, tucking her knees in against her soft chest. “I… used to,” she started, fiddling with the tops of her boots. “At first, I was desperate to get back. I would’ve done anything to escape Earth. I thought it was terrible, and gross, and retched. I hated it. But then Steven showed me all the wonderful things on this planet, and I fell in love with it.”

Jasper watched the smaller gem from the corner of her eye, as her face lightened back up, a content smile spreading across her lips. “This  _ is  _ my Homeworld now. It’s more than just a planet to live on, with gems I have to work under. It’s a home, with gems who I can call a family.”

“Do you have any regrets?” Jasper pushed further, her voice slightly muffled as she buried her face into the pillow. 

“Sure I do,” Peridot answered, “Who doesn’t? But I try not to think of them as regrets. For the longest time, I blamed myself for abandoning my ship, and you. I was the leader, the captain, it was  _ my  _ ship, and I fled because I was scared. But it didn’t matter anyway, because they caught me, and I wouldn’t be the gem I am today if they hadn’t! So… everything happens for a reason.”

“Back up,  _ you  _ were the leader?” Jasper scoffed, turning up her gem nose. “Try again.”

“Yeah, you heard me. I was the leader. It was my mission. You were just an escort.”

“No,  _ you  _ were just a pilot,  _ I  _ was the leader.”

“Pah! Yeah right! I was the one making all of the important decisions, you numbskull!”

“Barely! I don’t know if ‘I want all of the chairs to be green’ was that important.”

“Well  _ you  _ were the one who derailed my entire mission! You just  _ had  _ to go and headbutt a child! You made things difficult because-” Peridot stopped suddenly, cheeks puffing up as she held in a bubble of laughter. “This is so stupid, this fight is age-old! It’s not even logically relevant anymore!”

Jasper huffed out an amused chuckle, shrugging her shoulders. “You’re right, this is stupid. We’re on the same level now.” The quartz soldier took a moment to consider her words, then let out a cackle. “That’s something I never thought I’d say. A high-level Jasper and a Peridot, working side by side.”

“I know, right? Wild, isn’t it? I’m telling you, this is the raw ability of this planet! It turns things upside down!”

They both turned their heads as the latch on the window wiggled, and a familiar winged gem landed gracefully on the platform. She closed the window once inside and spun around. Her face scrunched up when she realized who was sitting on her side of the couch, and her lips pulled into a tight frown. “Oh, so you brought her here, too?” 

“Lapis, I-” Peridot started, but Lapis shushed her before she could continue.

“It’s fine, I get it. We’re all best friends now.” The blue gem threw up her hands in defeat, then slunk over to the corner where the hammock hung. “I’m gonna take a nap.”

“I like naps, too,” Jasper spurted out before she could stop herself, and instantly regretted it. She turned to Peridot in a panic, mouthing ‘why did I say that?’, to which the green gem shrugged unhelpfully.

“Fantastic, why don’t you go take one on your own couch, then?” came Lapis’s cold reply as she hopped into the cocoon of soft fabric. 

Jasper had sorely overstayed her welcome. She rose to her heavy feet, shooting Peridot a thankful look, before descending the wooden stairs and leaving the barn behind without looking back.

 

 

Later that night after she closed her eyes and let herself float away, she experienced her first nightmare.


	4. The Art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper learns to paint with a new friend as a way to deal with a terrifying nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally going to be focused about Jasper and Pearl, but someone mentioned that they wanted to see Jasper and Connie interact, so it became more Connie-centric. Pearl will come up again, though, no worries! This is literally just Jasper Interacts With Everyone: the fanfic and I'm thoroughly dedicated to that.

Jasper floated peacefully on the surface of the water, the perfect blue sky and painted white clouds above her. Her fluffy mane of hair formed a halo around her head. Her fingers brushed the still water and liquid sloshed in her boots, but she didn’t care. She was surrounded by nothing and no one, only miles upon miles of reflective sea. A heavy sigh drifted from her full lips.

Her perfect world was shattered suddenly, as the sky was plunged into a starless backdrop, blackness closing in around her. The crystal clear sea turned murky and sludge-like, and before she could scramble towards some nonexistent shore, an unseen force grabbed her around the waist and tugged her downward.

Usually she would have no problem breathing under water, but this wasn’t water. The thick slop flooded her mouth, stiffened her frantic movements, quieted any cries for help that dared to escape her. She tried desperately to claw her way out, but chains held fast around her ankles and wrists. Unknown fingers wrapped around her throat and squeezed the life out of her. Although she was silenced, restrained, and ultimately doomed, the same quiet peace settled around her as she sunk deeper and deeper into the dark abyss. 

 

She could get used to this.

 

The quartz soldier jolted awake, gasping for air she didn’t need but so strongly desired. Something crushed her chest as she lay on her back, and she swung a punch at whatever it was, flinging herself off of the couch simultaneously. She landed hard on her side, still gasping wildly for air. Fingers wrapped around her ankle and threatened to drag her away, and instinctively her crash helmet formed on her head as she dug her claws into the wooden floorboards. The tension around her foot relieved, and she scrambled to her knees in full defense. She headbutted the nearest thing to her, the crunch of the wooden coffee table sounding just like the cracking of a gem.

Small, chubby hands grabbed her wrists, and she panicked again, trying to rip herself from their grips, but a soothing voice came through her racing thoughts; “Jasper, calm down! It’s just me, Steven!” 

Still hyperventilating, Jasper blinked through the fog in her illuminated yellow eyes and gazed up at the young boy who stood above her in his pajamas. He released her wrists and instead cupped her face. Her helmet dissipated, leaving her hair in a matted disaster. “Breathe, it’s okay. You’re okay, you’re with me..”

“Steven, I was- I was in the water, and I was-“ 

“It was just a bad dream, I promise. I have them all the time. They’re super scary, but they’re not real,” the boy comforted, the pink aura glowing around him calming the prickles of fright coating Jasper’s skin.

“But I-“ The quartz wiped the water dripping from her eyes. “I’m wet, I must have been in the water, look! I’m wet-“

“You were just crying,” Steven cooed, helping the larger gem to dry her face.

“There was someone here, Steven! I could feel them, they were trying to drag me away, and that’s why I-”

“Ssh, it’s okay. Nobody is here, it was just your imagination. It’s just me.” Steven started to inhale slowly, then exhale deeply, and Jasper followed his lead. Soon, her frizzing hair settled, the lump of panic in her chest evaporated, and she was left to collapse in the boy’s arms. He supported her weight with ease, and she clung to him with trembling fingers.

The magical door at the back of the house went off behind them, and a shrill voice came with it. “Steven, what happened?!” The worried gem, upon seeing the damage done to the table, gasped in horror. “Did she hurt you?!”

Jasper would’ve bit back at the pearl, but every inch of her body had fallen limp. Steven shushed the gem with a finger to his lips. “No, we’re both okay, Pearl. Jasper just had a nightmare.” 

“We just got that coffee table, Steven!” Pearl’s voice dropped to a stern whisper, at least respecting the lateness of the night and the pounding of Jasper’s head. 

“I know, I’m sorry! I’ll get it replaced!” Steven whisper-shouted back, and that seemed to somehow satisfy the other gem. After the door to her room shut, and they were left in silence, Steven carefully lifted Jasper back onto the couch. He rolled her over to face the back of the sofa, and readjusted the quilt on top of her, making sure even her feet were tucked in. 

“I’ll sleep here with you tonight,” he offered, filling in the space above Jasper’s head. “I’ll make sure nothing else hurts you, don’t worry.” His words were beginning to slip away as Jasper’s eyes fluttered shut, and she floated back towards the sky.

 

* * *

 

 

In the morning, Jasper was awoken by shuffling and clanking. She wiggled onto her other side and swept back the hair from her face. Steven, already dressed and ready to go for the day, held a large trash bag in his hands, and he was collecting the splintered pieces of wood scattered on the floor. He noticed the quartz had moved and cracked a smile. “Good morning, sleepy head.”

Jasper rubbed her sore eyes, sitting up with a grunt of effort. “I did that last night, didn’t I?” she questioned groggily, swinging her legs off the side of the couch and planting her feet firmly on the floor.

“You did,” Steven replied bashfully, but followed with a quick “but you didn’t do it on purpose!” 

Jasper stood, grabbing the bigger chunks of the table and jamming them into the bag. “I don’t know what happened.” 

With a content nod at their cleanup, Steven tied the top of the bag and brought it to the door leading to the deck. “I figured you had a nightmare of some kind.” The quartz soldier assisted, holding the screen door open for the boy as he flung the bag outside. “Brrr, it’s getting chilly out there. I think it’s time for a sweatshirt.”

Jasper trailed him like a puppy as the boy walked to a newly installed closet, eyes glued to him. “What is a nightmare?”

“Well,” Steven picked out a baby pink fleece pullover, a bright yellow star decorating the back, and tossed it over his own head. “Sometimes I have nightmares where I’m at the top of a really tall cliff, and suddenly I get pushed or I trip, and I’m falling into this big canyon, but just as I’m about to go  _ splat _ , I wake up.”

Jasper listened closely, rubbing her elbow in thought. “Yeah, that’s what happened. It felt so real, though. And it started off okay, but then it went… dark.”

Steven pat the quartz on her arm, eyes twinkling reassuringly. “Can you remember what it was about?” Jasper paused, hesitant to relive the stressful dream, but was saved by Steven’s cellphone as it suddenly rang.

“Oops, sorry! I gotta run, but we’ll talk later!” the boy dashed away before Jasper could even return his goodbye, and she was left to glance around the uncomfortably spacious living room. As if on cue, Pearl exited her temple room. 

“Ah, Jasper! Good thing you’re awake,” she greeted, approaching the soldier with her hands on her hips. “Care to explain how exactly our coffee table ended up in pieces last night?” Pearl raised a thin eyebrow, and Jasper couldn’t help but to shrink a bit. 

“Steven said it was a nightmare,” she tread carefully, crossing her arms over her chest and trying to puff up in size. No Pearl, even this one, would intimidate her. “Sorry I messed up your table. I just… freaked out.” 

Pearl’s motherly glare softened to something much more thoughtful, and she stood there tapping her foot. “Hmm… You should have something to channel some of that emotion into, I think…” Jasper tilted her head in question and was about to ask for an elaboration, but Pearl lit up with an idea before she could. “I know just the thing! Stay there, and please don’t break anything else.” The slender gem glanced over her shoulder, and Jasper held up both hands defensively, before disappearing back into her room. 

She returned quickly, toting a bag and a few blank white canvases tucked under one arm. She dropped the supplies on the empty space where the coffee table once was and kneeled beside the bag. “How about you learn how to paint?”

_ “ _ Paint?” Jasper repeated, taking a seat on the rug with her back against the couch. 

“Yes. You use color to express how you’re feeling, or draw something you like that makes you happy. It’s a great distraction from whatever could be in your mind.” Jasper watched closely as Pearl unfurled a whole line of brushes, all different thickness and sizes, a rainbow of unused bottles with pop-caps, and smaller tubes. A curious glint sparkled in her eyes.

Someone knocked at the door, and Jasper swung her head with an instinctively protective growl. Pearl bound to her feet and glided over to welcome the visitor. It was a young girl with thick, curly dark hair cut in a short bob. In fact, Jasper recognized her from somewhere, and squinted to try and remember.

“Hi, Pearl! I’m ready for my lesson!” the girl chirped excitedly, clutching the hilt of a beautifully crafted sword. She caught sight of Jasper, and her face brightened up. “Oh- hi! You’re Jasper!” 

Jasper recoiled as the girl approached, holding out a hand, and, glancing to Pearl for some approval, took the tiny handshake. “Yeah, uh… That’s me. You’re Steven’s little friend from the white forest.”

“Yeah, that’s right! My name is Connie.” The girl, who radiated confidence which Jasper immediately recognized and yearned for, held the quartz’s hand in both of hers, turning it over and inspecting her sharp claws and the rings of green around her thumb. Under Pearl’s watchful eye, Jasper didn’t dare jerk away. “Whoa, your hands are so much bigger than I thought they were!” 

“Uh, thanks…” The girl’s hands were surprisingly calloused, her grip strong despite how tiny she was.

“Oh, this is perfect, actually!” Pearl interrupted, taking her spot on the floor across from Jasper again. “Connie, we’re changing your lesson for today. Today, I want  _ you  _ to become the teacher. We’re going to teach Jasper how to paint!” 

Connie squealed with delight, dropping Jasper’s hand and plopping down on the floor as well. “Alright! I was born for this! I’ve been taking an advanced art class this whole year!” The girl grabbed a few brushes from Pearl’s collection, as well as a few of the smaller, aluminum tubes of paint, and slid one of the canvases closer to her. 

“We’re going to teach her art therapy, to be specific,” Pearl continued, and Jasper blushed. She wasn’t used to being put in an inferior position, let alone being taught something by a pearl. But the thought of seeing Steven’s face when he saw that the brute of a gem had  _ painted  _ something fueled her motivation. She copied Connie, selecting a few brushes and a random assortment of colors, then turned back to the girl. The brushes were like thin twigs in her hands, but she observed exactly how Connie held hers and did the same. Anxiety crept over her as she stared down at the blank canvas. One wrong move and her brush could’ve snapped, or she could’ve punctured a hole right through the canvas material.

“I… can’t do this,” the quartz admitted abruptly, letting out a frustrated sigh. “A gem like me can’t paint, that’s foolish.” Pearl, who had already begun swooping light blue arches along her canvas, pointed a disapproving finger at the larger gem.

“Oh no you don’t,” she warned, “You’re not going to give up that easily, are you?  _ You _ ? A  _ Jasper _ ?”

“Yeah!” Connie chimed in, “You can’t give up until you at least try it. Here- watch me first.”

Connie scooted closer, enough for Jasper to peer over her shoulder. “I’ll draw… the beach!” The quartz soldier nodded in understanding, and watched like a hawk as Connie picked her first color; a pale yellow. She squirted the color from the bottle onto a separate palette to dip her brush in. She used broad strokes for the sandy shore, then switched to a smaller brush, dotting in some individual brown specks. Next, she moved to the sky, choosing the perfect bright blue, and filled the top half of the canvas. Once again, she went in with a smaller brush, using quick flicks of her wrist to paint some fluffy clouds. Then, she added a cartoonish yellow sun at the top right corner and used black to give it a great big grin and a pair of sunglasses. She giggled at the finished product.

“See? There’s no rules or expectations, you just paint whatever comes to mind! Like what Pearl is doing,” Connie motioned to the other gem’s painting. It wasn’t anything in particular; she had drawn a bunch of blue swirls intertwined with white streaks. 

“So it’s like… writing?” Jasper asked, eyebrows scrunched together. She still wasn’t completely sold on the whole concept of art, but she was thoroughly intrigued. 

“It can be!” came Connie’s positive answer. “Art is free form expression. If you want to write something, go for it! The blank canvas is the artist’s greatest fear, but once you get that first stroke in, it’ll only get easier!”

Trusting the girl’s words, Jasper took a deep breath in and dipped a bigger brush into some deep red and, mimicking techniques Connie had used, mixed it with a little bit of black. She used this as the background, and once it was filled in completely, she went back for a much brighter red. The quartz used a shorter brush to get more precise lines and blocked in familiar letters that spelled out her name in her native written language. She finished it with tiny flicks of white along the letters to really make the red pop, then proudly spun the canvas for Connie to see.

“Wow! It looks so cool! Great choice of colors and your lines are so clean!” Connie praised, and Jasper swelled with pride. “Is that gem language? What does it say?”

The large gem shrugged casually. “It just says Jasper. I’m a little rusty, I haven’t exactly been home for a while.” 

“It’s better than I could’ve done,” Pearl added in a sing-songy voice, focusing hard on her own painting. Jasper’s lips curled into an amused smile.

 

* * *

 

 

The three of them painted for the whole afternoon, exchanging their ideas and asking for advice, all the while laughing at their finished products. Jasper painted something abstract, similar to Pearl’s style, of orange, red, and blue-green splotches, which Connie quickly recognized as her skin. Then she did her own version of the beach, placing it beside Connie’s, which prompted Pearl to do her own beach as well. They all took turns posing for portraits, and their distinctive styles shone through. Connie’s big eyes and simplified shapes, Jasper’s laser-precision linework and bold, thick colors, and Pearl’s sketchy yet elegant thin strokes; all different, all unique, but all, in their own way, beautiful.

The other two were beginning to lose their creative steam, all of them covered up to their elbows with paint, but Jasper had one more idea in mind.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. She brought her nightmare to the front of her mind, after spending all day suppressing it and trying to forget. Pearl and Connie watched her intently as her lips drew into a serious line. 

She started with the deepest black for the sky, making sure every inch of the top of the canvas was covered. She used the soft pads of her fingers to blend the black downwards into the blue sea, turning the color just as murky as she remembered. She dragged the blue-black all the way to the bottom in wavy streaks and then filled in the rest with a plain dark blue. She drew an orange blob in the middle of the oceanic abyss, sinking helplessly to the bottom. A hand extended upward, just as black and terrifying as the sky. After adding small grey lines connecting the orange dot to the hand, the gem sat back with a sigh of relief.

A weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She could think again without fear of the nightmare boiling over. She had let it out, and it actually worked… At least for the time being. With careful fingers, Connie turned her final work around to see it fully.

“Wow, Jasper…” the young girl whispered, staring in awe at the canvas. “This is… amazing. I can feel the raw emotion. Is that orange dot you?” Jasper responded with a tired nod. “It’s like… you’re being dragged down by a dark feeling that’s keeping you trapped, right? You’re drowning in your own thoughts, and you’re trying to break free to see the night sky and find the stars again.”

“How did you know that?” Jasper questioned defensively, eyeing the human suspiciously.

“Just a guess,” Connie replied with a cheeky grin. “Well, this is definitely my favorite piece of yours. We  _ have  _ to hang it up.” The girl stood with the painting, wandering around the room and holding it up to various places before she found a good spot with a hook already screwed into the wall. She adjusted it until it hung evenly, then stood back to observe it again. “You’ve outdone yourself, Jasper. I think it’s safe to say you’ve officially passed this art class!”

Despite letting all of her feelings out in an explosion of paint, Jasper felt more melancholic than relieved the longer she sat there and stewed in the memory of her dream. She hung her head low, tangled hair flopping over her horns and eyes. “I guess so,” she muttered flatly. Connie and Pearl exchanged concerned looks, and Jasper didn’t bother to raise her head as the other gem began to collect the art supplies. She sensed Connie looming beside her, and flinched as the girl took a seat on the couch. 

“Do you want me to brush your hair?” the human asked, voice dripping in a sweet sincerity. 

“What? Why?” Jasper snapped in response, and felt a jab of guilt to her stomach. 

“You look like you could use a little attention, is all. The first step to feeling better is good hygiene.” Something told Jasper that the young girl would be adamant about this, so she simply nodded, newfound exhaustion weighing down her limbs. Connie shuffled around on the couch for a moment, before scooting over to sit with the gem’s head between her supportive knees. Soothing music, long chords of a melodic stringed instrument, began to play from the girl’s phone, intertwined with the gentle sounds of rolling waves. 

“This is Steven’s hairbrush, but I don’t think he’ll mind. We’re definitely gonna need something heavy duty, you have a whole lot of hair.” Jasper tensed as the girl touched her head for the first time, but she eased into it, running her small fingers through Jasper’s knotted locks to try and free some of the bigger tangles. After that, she dug her fingers in through Jasper’s thick mane until her short fingernails grazed at her scalp. It felt invasive at first, but the more the human worked and scratched at the crown of her head, the more the gem melted into the touch. Her eyes rolled back, her head tilted to the side, and she nearly started drooling. 

“My mom is a nurse, and one time she told me scalp massages are important for healthy blood circulation,” Connie explained. “You don’t have any blood, but everyone loves a good scalp massage!”

Jasper grumbled deep in her chest, like a rumbling purr, a pleased response without any words. She was nearly falling asleep, especially as the girl began to work on brushing through her hair. She started at the ends and methodically made her way up until everything was smooth and full, returning Jasper’s mane to its original glory. 

Jasper simply listened to the ocean music, leaning her head back into Connie’s lap and enjoying the pampering. The girl began braiding chunks of hair towards the front of Jasper’s head, expertly winding the strands together. “So… Not a big fan of art therapy, huh?” she ventured warily, and Jasper released a tense sigh.

“I enjoyed it, don’t get me wrong. I’ve never done anything like it before. I was never allowed to, I was always expected to repress any kind of emotion that wasn’t aggressive or intimidating. But… I just don’t think it was my cup of tea. I don’t think I could sit there and paint every single emotion I have.” Jasper pressed an embarrassed hand to her face, twisting to glance over her shoulder. “I don’t expect you to understand that.”

“Are you kidding? Of course I do! Well- at least to some extent,” Connie assured, braiding an equal-sized chunk of hair from the other side. “I totally get that. I used to be really quiet and serious all the time because my parents always pressured me to get good grades and do too many extracurricular activities, even if I didn’t enjoy them. But Steven cracked my shell wide open, and now I feel like I can be the real me! I took dance classes for five years, but one day I told my mom dance didn’t make me as happy as tennis did, so she let me quit! It felt so great, having that extra weight off my shoulders.” The girl took the long strands of braids and wrapped them around Jasper’s uneven horns, nearly enough to cover them completely. Just the blue-green tips stuck out from the top. “You just have to find something that you like doing to express your emotions. It’s okay if that thing isn’t art therapy, the important thing is that you tried!”

“Hm,” Jasper murmured, drumming her sharp nails against the soft rug. “That makes a lot of sense. I have no clue what I enjoy doing, so I guess I have to keep looking.” Connie chuckled, tugging all of Jasper’s glorious locks into a big, messy bun at the top of her head, leaving a few pieces out to frame the gem’s face and tucking in a few loose strands here and there. 

“There, done! It’s a little couture, but also practical. You’ll probably feel a bit better now that you don’t have all that hair weighing you down! I remember when I first chopped all of my hair off. It was one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done. I felt like an entirely new person!” Connie fluffed up her own hair, and Jasper stifled a snicker. “Well, c’mon! Go check it out!”

The large gem stood from her spot on the floor and made her way to the bathroom, ducking under the door frame and flicking the light switch on. She gazed at herself in the mirror, tilting her head this way and that. “Huh… I like it,” she mumbled to her reflection, admiring Connie’s handiwork, specifically on the braids wound around her horns. They were much less noticeable now, and her hair pulled all the way back showed off her broad shoulders. She flexed her muscular arms, posed to the left, posed to the right, before she caught Connie peering around the corner. She swung around, casually leaning against the sink. “Nothing,” she rushed to say, cheeks turning red. Connie giggled, covering her mouth with a hand. 

“I take it you like it, then!” she teased. “I thought you would. A sleek bun seems more like your style, I don’t know how you could fight with all that hair flying everywhere!” 

Jasper nudged the young girl’s shoulder, careful not to be too forceful. Even if the human was gifted with a sword, Jasper worried about hurting her. Pearl would have her gem if she injured the girl in any way. “I like you, kid,” the quartz said, “You’re sensible, and you know what you’re talking about.” 

“Wow, thanks for the compliment! That means a lot coming from you. If I had muscles like yours, I don’t even know what I would do with myself. Probably lift weights all day just to show off.” This tickled Jasper in just the right way, making her roar out in a hearty, chest-bursting laugh, accentuated by Connie’s much tinier, but just as lively cackles.

“You’re right, that  _ is  _ what I should be doing!” the quartz joked, and then stopped. ‘ _ That’s it _ .’ 

“Oh crap!” Connie suddenly exclaimed, gaping at the tiny clock on her wrist. Concerned, Jasper braced herself.

“What’s wrong?” the gem demanded combatively. 

“I gotta get home for dinner! This day flew by, I didn’t even realize how late it was!” As they moved back to the living room they found that Connie was correct. The sky was painted with the colors of the sunset, the colors of Jasper’s skin. The girl gathered up her backpack and the sword, sticking it through a hand-stitched side hilt. “I had a lot of fun today, thanks for hanging out! We should do this again sometime, but maybe not painting. Whatever you want, I’m down for it!” Beaming, Connie waved as she jogged backwards through the swinging screen door, and Jasper waved back. She waited for the human to disappear down the beach house stairs before turning her radiant gaze to her own hands. They were stained with all of the paints from the day’s project, the splotch of corruption on her thumb blending in perfectly with the rainbow of colors.

 

The quartz smiled peacefully.


	5. The Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper pets a cat and meditates with a newfound life mentor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a bit serious, just as a warning. Also as a preface; please respect both Jasper and Lapis as characters and representations of abuse and manipulation, because both are equally as important to many different people in this fandom. Personally, I'm so glad that their entire story arc exists and though it really hasn't been talked about much in-show, I think their dynamic is so so vital for so many people. So I'll put it here that I believe they both suffered and one didn't suffer more than the other, and we should respect both sides because behind these characters are people connecting to them. Thank you!!
> 
> Anyway I almost cried while writing this SO ENJOY!!!!

Jasper wandered the lonely space of Steven’s house, circling the newly renovated kitchen and stopping to examine the photos stuck to the front and sides of the refrigerator. There were many of the crystal gems, smiling and posing for the camera. There were even some older looking photos with frayed edges, some of Steven in a much smaller form, and Steven’s father, and Rose. The quartz leaned in closer to inspect one where Rose held Greg in her arms, a grin plastered on her face. 

She still didn’t fully understand the entire situation. She understood that Pink Diamond was Rose, and now Rose was Steven, but the question of  _ why  _ formed in her mind every time she thought about it too hard. For this, the  _ why  _ seemed too dangerous, and she hadn’t dared to ask out loud. She didn’t want to open any unwanted conversations, and Steven assured her that he was just  _ Steven _ over and over again. The gem shook her head vigorously to dispel her naturally curious and thought-provoking nature. All that mattered was that Steven was happy.  _ He has his mother’s smile _ , she observed.

Parents were another brand new concept that the gem was still wrapping her head around. Steven had tried to explain it in many different ways, such as that Pink Diamond was the quartz’s biological mother, but Yellow Diamond was her adopted mother, but the comparison only made Jasper stressed. During the boring days when Steven had to attend to his busy schedule, he set her up at the foot of his bed with a dozen donuts and a few seasons of a drama sitcom called  _ Enemies _ , so slowly but surely she was beginning to understand human dynamics. 

The town was beginning to change, Jasper noticed. Once-lush thick green trees morphed into reds and oranges, matching the gem’s skin color. The distant forest was shedding its weight, leaving scrawny, finger-like branches in its wake. The sun set much earlier and painted the sky with different tones of pink. Thicker clouds formed during the daytime, and a chillier wind occasionally blew across the sandy beach, strange compared to the refreshing ocean breeze under the hot rays. In the mornings, as Steven rushed out the door, he donned himself with a hat, a scarf, and a much heavier jacket, and when he came home he made a cup of ‘hot chocolate’, which he always offered to Jasper. She happily accepted, and enjoyed the hot beverage alongside the boy. 

On this particular day, dense clouds hung over the sea, dark gray in color and overtly foreboding. With no sun, Jasper was forced to turn on the lights, which she disliked greatly. The blinding fluorescents seared her yellow eyes, so she tried to avoid looking at them. It did, however, shine the perfect spotlight onto her painting, which hung in the short hallway leading to the bathroom. She stopped to admire it, arms folded behind her back at attention. The paint had dried matte, leaving a satisfying, sandpapery texture over the top, and Jasper ran a claw down the center. She paused at the orange dot, the representation of herself, and circled it with a finger. The orange paint had bled a bit during the drying process, leaving spindly streams running down into the deep abyss like tears, as if she was melting into the ocean itself. The quartz sighed, her stomach twisting into a sick knot.

The sound of the warp pad made her startle, fists flying up in defense, the loose strands from her messy bun frizzing. She relaxed, however, when a tall gem with poofy hair stepped out of the beam of light, holding a small bundle of fur. The gem seemed unperturbed that Jasper was there. “Well, hello,” she greeted, voice smothered in a compelling accent. “New hairdo? I like it.” 

Jasper tensed up, shoulders ridged and knees bent at the ready. Garnet was the one rebel she had yet to interact with. She’d been elusive, more so than Steven, but the confrontation was destined to happen eventually. “Uh, yeah. Connie did it,” she replied, guarded and short-answered. Maybe Garnet was simply passing through, and wouldn’t stop to talk. Their last encounter, which, when Jasper thought about it, was the longest ago out of all the other crystal gems, had been frustrating. The hurt of that lost battle still stung.

Garnet stepped closer, and Jasper’s piercing golden gaze trailed her like a suspicious hawk. Soon, they were standing shoulder to shoulder in front of the painting. The bundle in the gem’s arms squirmed, and out poked a tiny creature’s face, one eye missing and scarred, but the other wide and innocently blue. It stared up at Jasper, who moved her focus to it, and its little orange and black ears wiggled.

“Nice job,” Garnet commented, shooting the quartz a thumbs up. “There must be a lot on your mind for you to paint something like this.”

“That’s none of your business,” Jasper snapped, and felt an immediate stab of guilt in return. She was doing it again, the instinctive urge to defend herself without being attacked.

“How about we talk about it, then. I can make it my business.” It was spoken not as a question, but as a firm statement, one that made the quartz sway a bit. She turned her eyes away, shamefully covering her blue-green shoulder with a hand and giving it a squeeze.

“I’m all set, thanks,” she growled through gritted teeth, the shame spreading like a hot wave over her entire body. 

“Okay, how about this; we sit in silence and you don’t say a single thing unless you feel compelled to.” Carefully, Jasper eased her gaze back over to the permafusion, to find her smiling blissfully. “It’s your choice.”

The larger gem crossed her arms reluctantly over her chest, grumbling. “You’re not gonna go away, are you?” 

“Nope. Not that easily.”

It was her house, after all. Jasper was the guest- a belligerent and somewhat grumpy one, at that. It was only a short time ago that she had been considered a hostile enemy, and ever since she popped out of her bubble and reformed, she had felt out of place. Even with all of her new family welcoming her with warm arms, she felt… undeserving. “Okay… fine. Let’s sit in silence.”

Garnet motioned to the floor with a hand, palm open to show off one of her gems. “Step into my office,” she joked, and, warily, Jasper took a step towards the empty rug, where the coffee table once sat. It had been weeks since her nighttime panic attack, but it still hadn’t been replaced. “Welcome. Please, take a seat.” With a huff, Jasper did as directed and sat with her legs crisscrossed on the rug, leaning back on her hands and digging her claws into the soft, fluffy fabric. Garnet did the same, taking a seat a couple feet in front of Jasper. She set the tiny, patchy-colored creature down on the floor, and it bounced over to the quartz. She flinched as it brushed its head up against her knee, a gentle purr rumbling its ridiculously small body. “This is Cat-Steven, he’ll be joining us today.”

Hesitantly, Jasper reached out a hand and gave the cat-Steven’s head a scratch. She couldn’t see the resemblance to Steven at all, and her face scrunched up in confusion, but she didn’t bother to ask. 

“Hold your hands like this,” Garnet instructed, holding her left hand in her right with both palms facing upwards, her thumbs pressed together and pointing towards the ceiling. Jasper copied her, resting her elbows on her knees. The cat crawled into her lap, just under her clasped hands, and curled up comfortably. “Great, now… close your eyes.” Garnet’s three-pointed visor phased away, revealing the surefire signs of a fusion; three bold eyes. Jasper’s first reaction was revulsion, though she did her best to hide it. She herself had fallen victim to the addictive nature of fusion, hadn’t she? She bit her lip, and let her eyes slip shut. “Now… focus… Breathe… Find your center…”

As they settled down in the meditative quiet, rain began to tap against the windows, surrounding them in a cascade of comforting noises. It soon felt like Jasper was floating on nothing, and when she peeked with one eye, she gasped in shock. “Where are we-?” 

“Sssh, silence,” Garnet hushed, unbothered by the sudden change of atmosphere. They were surrounded by an endless, metaphysical blue space on all sides, and panic swelled in Jasper’s chest, telling her to run. “Don’t panic,” Garnet soothed, as if reading the quartz’s frenzied thoughts. “Simply be.”

Since Garnet was not at all disturbed, Jasper took it as a good sign, so she settled back into her comfortable position, eyes shutting once again. The blueness around them cooled her skin, cleared her mind, seeped into her very being and calmed her core. 

 

She lost track of time. They had remained quiet for so long, simply  _ being  _ and existing together, the silence seemed to speak more words than an actual conversation. But soon, the quartz grew restless. She swallowed, lips itching to speak and tongue curling against her teeth to stop any words. She couldn’t stand seeing the darkness behind her eyelids any longer. She shifted her leg as it started to go numb, careful not to awaken the cat, who had dozed off cuddled in her lap. Many times, she opened her mouth, only for air to escape and nothing else. As if she sensed the quartz’s unspoken struggle, Garnet opened her three eyes as well and met Jasper’s distraught squint.

“Go ahead, I’m all ears,” the permafusion spoke, voice echoing through the infinite space.

Jasper’s thumb twitched, and she braced her cupped hands closer to her chest. “I’ve… been having a lot of feelings I don’t think I know how to deal with,” she began, diving into the deep-end headfirst. “I feel guilty, and unworthy, and I feel a lot of anger towards myself and others. I know everyone is just trying to help, but… With every gem I reintroduce myself to, I find that my first impressions to them were ugly. I see shock and pity in their eyes, and then they try so hard to be nice to me. I’m… scared of a lot of things. Scared of this planet, scared of myself, scared of failing everyone when they realize I’m just the gem they thought I was. I’m lost, and confused, and I just- I want to go home, but there’s no real home for me to go back to.”

As the words spilled from her like an unstoppable waterfall, Garnet sat there and absorbed every syllable. When she finished, the fusion gem merely nodded.

“Let’s do an exercise, Jasper,” she offered, eyes half-closed in thought. “I want you to choose three words that you think others would use to describe you, three words you would use to describe yourself, and three words you wish to be described with. Take your time, I want you to pick the best words possible.”

Jasper’s eyebrow quirked, and she bit back a nasty little side comment about how stupid that sounded. She let her eyes wander freely as she considered her choices, fingers falling from their clasped position to distractedly stroke the kitten’s silky fur. “How others would describe me… violent, delusional, and intimidating. How I would describe myself…? Scared, hard-shelled, and… strategic. I want to be described as fearless, strong, and loyal.”

Garnet tilted her head, a pleased smile curling her full lips. “Good. You’re very self-aware, Jasper. I think you’ve made leaps and bounds already.” The praise flustered Jasper. She hadn’t expected it from the gem she had once fought tooth and nail against. “Now, let’s break all of those words down and look closely at what they mean to you. Imagine all of your words form a web. They’re all somehow connected in a way, and for a reason. Your first set of words are all based on your past self. You were made to be relentlessly aggressive. That’s what the system wanted you to be, and  _ you  _ especially. From the start, you were doomed in that aspect. You grew to be intimidating because that was expected of you. None of this excuses the pain you’ve inflicted on others, it explains it.”

“I know,” Jasper mumbled, hanging her head low. “I’ve hurt so many gems, I don’t deserve any sort of kindness.”

“Get that negative talk out of here, Little Horns,” Garnet scolded, shaking a stern finger at the quartz. Pearl had done the same thing to her weeks before during their painting session. It knocked the sense right back into Jasper, and she lifted her head once again. “You were seen as delusional because of your upbringing. You were blinded by your own existence… That segues into your next set of words; what you see in yourself in the present. You’re scared because you were thrust into an unknown world, and you scrambled to find your way out. You grew twisted and forgot how to be yourself. Your mind became corrupt long before your body did. You built up in your mind that you could somehow escape, somehow fight your way out, and saw no other way of accomplishing it but doing what you had always done; fight until your body gave in. You swore to yourself you wouldn’t let anybody else in, and you still feel that way to this day. But I’m surprised by your pick of  _ strategic _ . I didn’t expect that.”

Jasper watched as glowing butterflies began to pop into existence in the space between them. They fluttered around her, one landing on her shoulder, and she shot Garnet an alarmed glance. The permafusion smiled, easing the quartz’s mind in a flash. She let the butterflies circle around her, resting on the top of her head and on her knee and on her finger, without flinching at all. “That’s one thing I’ve remained sure of this entire time. Even if I’ve been warped, even if I’ve changed for the worst, and even as I try to better myself… I’ll always be a jasper, and jaspers pride themselves on their strategy. Now that I’ve gotten through my past time on Earth, I look back and realize none of that was a clear strategy, and I’m embarrassed by myself. I should have and could have handled it much more logically.”

“What you are is intelligent,” Garnet continued, “And this is your seed. This is where you need to start working to reach your goals and improve yourself and your morals. All of the words you  _ want  _ to be described with already exist within you, Jasper. At the center of your being, those three words are who you are. They are the center of your web, the center of your wishes. You simply have to find them, nurture them, and hold them close.”

“How?” Jasper questioned desperately, voice giving way to a pathetic squeak. “How do I do that? I don’t know if you’re right.”

“Of course I am,” Garnet replied with a cheeky smirk. She let her hands raise from her lap, holding her palms out as two butterflies landed on both of her gems. “What you need to do is find peace and balance in every corner of your life. A balance between your past and present, a balance between your mistakes and your apologies, and balance within yourself. Soon you will get over your greatest fears of being lost and alone. You will discover that home is not a place, but the feeling of belonging. Soon you will find your strength, both mental and physical, once again, and learn how to focus it on construction rather than destruction. Soon you will find that the most important being you must be loyal to is yourself. If you’re unwell and unfit to fight for yourself, then you will be weak while protecting your loved ones. Focus on  _ you _ , Jasper, before anybody else.”

Garnet’s words penetrated deep into Jasper’s soul, as she soaked up every droplet of advice and provoking evidence of herself. It was as if she was standing in front of a mirror, except that mirror read every little scar on her heart and told her things she didn’t even know about herself. 

“And now… That brings us to Lapis.”

Behind the gem, a butterfly bigger than herself swirled and formed, flapping its giant wings hard enough to tousled Jasper’s hair. She cringed, shuddering at the name that lingered and hung in the blue air. “I was hoping you were gonna ignore that part.”

“Nothing remains untouched, Jasper. You must tackle every problem if you ever want to truly move on. And you know this is the elephant in the room. You can’t avoid her for the rest of eternity, you must be prepared to confront each other. She’s a part of this family as much as you are. Taking baby steps are okay, you two don’t have to be best friends right away, or at all. Nobody is expecting that, after what you went through.”

Jasper slouched, suddenly weighed down by the massive butterfly that landed on her shoulders. It towered over her, casting a dark shadow over her striped face. “I… have so much I want to say to her.”

“I bet you do. And I’m sure there’s a lot on her mind, as well. She’s already one step ahead of you, it seems. She’s already been processing her own experience, you’ve only just begun, but it doesn’t make you inferior. You both had a troubled past, and your fusion only worsened both of you.”

Jasper let her face fall into her hands, tracing the facets of her gem with a finger. “I… I messed up at every turn. I was so blinded by our pure strength that I didn’t see how it was hurting both of us. How she was hurting me, how I was hurting her… I remember how exhilarating it was to finally see her face again on that boat. I felt so weak and empty, and so helpless without her, that I let my delusions devour me whole. When she told me no, it… felt like I had been shattered. I would’ve rather been shattered. She would’ve been my one-way ticket out of there, we could’ve flown off of this planet and never turned back. That was the one thing we had in common… But I just wanted to use her, just as she had used me.” 

Tears pooled in Jasper’s dulling eyes, and she fought to even lift her head as they overflowed. “I still have dreams about her. The way she forced me down, strangled me until I had no strength to fight back, all while she stood above me and  _ enjoyed  _ every second of it. But we shared a mind, we shared that space, and I somehow understand why. She had been powerless, helpless, her entire life, and finally she had someone to take it out on. I-I hated her for it, she made me so angry, I tried to rip her to shreds and I screamed at her until my voice was raw. I wanted nothing more than to return the pain, but then I realized… she was in just as much pain. So I began to embrace it, embrace her beautiful, monstrous power. She was a fighter, just like me. She was desperate, just like me. She was doing whatever she had to to survive, just like me. When we unfused, I… I was starved of that power, of that connection. Even now, I realize it was toxic for both of us, it left scars on both of us, but… I want her to at least look at me.” 

“I never understood Malachite,” Garnet began, her voice wavering. She sniffled, wiping a river of tears from her own face. “I didn’t understand how, if you two hated each other, you could even fuse at all. It didn’t seem right to me; fusion was meant to represent love and mutual respect, but I was blinded by my own experiences. I understand now.” With a snap of her fingers, her star-shaped visor appeared over her face and she folded her hands together once again. Jasper followed suit, sitting up straight to support the heavy butterfly still perched on her back. “When you face her, you have to be brutally honest, just like you are now. You can’t hide any of your feelings, Jasper. You have to let her know your perspective. Your big heart has been buried beneath thousands of years of trauma and self-hate… It’s time to let it heal.”

Jasper blinked away the last drops of her tears, then allowed her eyes to rest. The two eased back into a comfortable silence, and the anxiety and fear that had stirred in Jasper’s mind ebbed. They sat there for a while longer, the coolness of the infinite meditative space fading, the butterflies dimming, until they had returned to the beach house living room. Jasper lowered her hands and let out a sigh of relief. Garnet extended her palms out to the quartz, and she rested her own on top of the fusion’s, her fingers grazing the facets of her gems. “Thank you,” the larger gem whispered wholeheartedly. Garnet smiled genuinely. The tiny cat bumped its head against Jasper’s elbow, mewing to get her attention.

 

“I’m so very proud of you. Just keep trying, that’s all any of us could ask from you.”


	6. The Camera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper helps Steven and Pearl clean out their storage unit and finds a fun new toy to play with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the least depressing chapter of this entire fic. This is the Let Jasper Have Fun chapter.

It had rained for a full week, a constant downpour with only a few short breaks in between. It soaked the fallen colorful leaves covering the pavement in town, leaving massive puddles at every turn. Every night, Jasper perched in the bay window beside Steven’s bed with a blanket and watched the sea. Waves, once calm and rolling lazily onto the beach now roared and crashed, slamming angry fists onto the wet sand. Storm clouds swirled in the sky, blocking the sun from warming the planet’s surface. To keep the house toasty and cozy, Steven lit the fireplace beside the warp pad and kept the flames blazing all day. 

That morning, Jasper was awoken by a soft glow, the sun’s rays streaming through the window by the door. She rubbed her sleepy eyes and rolled off of the couch, dragging the blanket with her. Momentarily blinded by the unexpected light, she squinted through it to check on Steven’s bed. It had already been neatly made, his stuffed animals lined up along the wall and pillow fluffed up. With a grumble, Jasper pushed her messy bedhead to one side and stumbled to her feet. 

The time on the microwave read 7:30 AM, which Jasper had decided was far too early for the Earth’s population to be rising from their beds. She, a being with no need for sleep, found it tough to get up, so she marveled at the humans who were able to do it day after day without a fuss. This included Steven. The young boy had been awake before 8 AM ever since he had gotten back from his adventure on Homeworld (Jasper had gotten the whole story from Peridot, who told it with a dramatic vigor). 

 

Stars, she was tired.

 

It must have been all of the lounging around doing nothing. Sure, she frolicked the town and sprawled out on the beach every now and then, but with every passing day, the quartz soldier grew more and more restless. Steven’s couch grew more and more uncomfortable, seeming to shrink during every passing night. It was becoming monotonous, something the gem feared. She used the reflection of the oven door to fix her messy hair to a presentable state. Connie’s professional braids were still wrapped neatly around her horns, continuing to conceal them, but she had let her long mane of hair down from the bun. It was cumbersome to sleep with and she preferred to sleep with her hair clustered around her body like a blanket. She enjoyed the style, however, and some days while she was home alone she tied it up.

Melodic humming came from outside the door, and Jasper straightened up in surprise. It was Pearl, carrying a cardboard box in her arms. “Oh, Jasper, you’re awake! Fantastic, we could use your help.” The gem set the box down on the kitchen island table, brushing her hands off on her pants. “What do you say? Want to do a bit of housecleaning?”

“How so?” Jasper questioned with a quirked eyebrow, leaning an elbow on the counter behind her. If it meant getting out of the house to do  _ anything _ , she would say yes.

“Steven and I are cleaning out Greg’s storage unit. We did it not too long ago, but Steven wanted to personalize it.”

With a disgruntled mumble, Jasper dramatically threw her head back. “Why so early? That kid isn’t normal. Aren’t children supposed to sleep in? Take naps? Drink a lot of milk, or something?”

Pearl snorted, covering an amused smirk with a daintily calloused hand. “You’re thinking of a baby, but no. I keep telling him he doesn’t have to get up so early, that he has the entire day to do what he wants to, but he insists… How do you know about babies?” 

Jasper shrugged, giving her lip a coy chew. “I was bored and found a book about them in Steven’s closet, so I read the entire thing. I didn’t understand any of it.”

Pearl shook her head in disbelief, then quickly changed the subject. “Anyway, we could use a big, strong gem like you.”

Jasper perked up, a wickedly prideful grin spreading across her face. “Well how could I say no to that?” she joked with a snicker, pushing herself up from her comfortable position. She stretched her arms in a not-so-subtle flex, side-eyeing the other gem. Pearl rolled her eyes.

“Quartzes,” she jeered, but a smile curled on her thin lips. “Let’s go, before your ego swells so much it fills the entire house.” 

Pearl led them out the door and down the staircase, and Jasper sucked in a mouthful of the refreshing, rain-tinted air. It was a smell so unlike anything on Homeworld or any other planet she had been on. It immediately cleared her mind, moisture sticking to her skin and cooling her pleasantly. Everything pulsed with life, even as the shrubs withered and the leaves fell from the tree branches. Despite the impending death, things were still living. 

Jasper stepped over a few wide puddles on their way to their location, catching a glimpse of her reflection. Weeks ago, her instinctive reaction was to be repulsed by her own face, but now she went out of her way to check herself out. She was healing, and she could see it in her face. It made her glow radiantly.

“Here we are,” Pearl sang, motioning to a long, rectangular building, lined with red garage-like doors. One was pulled up and open, and an immense amount of  _ stuff  _ scattered about the lot. “Welcome to my worst nightmare.”

With a stressed sigh, Pearl stepped through the maze of boxes and gadgets and other miscellaneous objects, reaching the edge of the unit. A familiar mop of curly hair popped around the corner, and Steven’s eyes glittered as he caught sight of who Pearl had brought along. “Yay, Jasper! You came! Did you wanna help?”

Jasper cracked her knuckles and rolled her neck in anticipation. “If you need it,” she replied snarkily, following Pearl’s path through the mess to reach the boy. She gave his fluffy hair a pat before peering deeper into the storage unit. 

It seemed to go on forever, but it was cluttered and overpopulated with things, many of which Jasper couldn’t identify. Human things, with human purposes. 

“Okay so here’s my game plan,” Steven began, posing proudly with his hands on his hips. “I taped off three sections; mom’s stuff, dad’s stuff, and my stuff. Now that there’s three of us, we could tackle them all at once! I’ll take mine, Pearl can take mom’s, and Jasper, you can have fun going through my dad’s!”

Pearl clicked her tongue, leaning down and cupping a hand around her mouth. “Don’t you think it’s a little cruel to give her the worst task, Steven?” she teased, her voice drizzled with a playful sweetness. “It’s  _ mostly  _ his stuff! _ I _ wouldn’t even know where to begin.”

“It’ll be fun, though! And once we’re done, we can all organize dad’s stuff! He… does have a lot.” With a sheepish blush, Steven scratched his cheek. “What do you think, Jasper? Are you up for it?”

Jasper stood at attention, a natural response to any given order. “Of course, just show me what to do.”

Steven got down on his knees in between a circle of boxes, and cracked each one open. He motioned for Jasper, and she joined him on the dusty concrete ground. “Start with these here, and keep anything you think is important! Like… These are a bunch of pictures, so we’ll go through them later. But here- there’s a trumpet in here? I’ve never seen my dad even touch a trumpet…” He pointed to the mess just outside the unit, to three developing piles. “We have a keep pile, a throw away pile, and a give to Amethyst pile. Just go with your gut!”

Behind them, Pearl pulled out what looked like some kind of clubbing weapon from a sheath and waved it around in the air with an aggravated exhale. “Look at this! Greg doesn’t even golf! Why does he need this?!” she shouted, pointing the weapon towards Steven. Jasper’s hackles raised, and she went to swing a protective arm in front of Steven, but a bubbly laugh stopped her. 

“What else is he supposed to spend all of his money on?” Steven quipped in return, swatting the head of the weapon away. 

“I swear, one of these days I’ll smack that man upside the head with this, and maybe it’ll knock some sense into him!” It sounded like a threat, yet Pearl beamed with joy. The contradiction boggled Jasper’s mind.

“Aww, c’mon, Pearl! He’s always been a big doofus, hasn’t he? But you still love him~” 

Pearl returned the club to its sheath, then picked it up by the strap and slung it over her shoulder. “Unfortunately, I do.” With an adoring smile, she dropped it into the Amethyst pile. Jasper watched their interaction in awe, eyes flitting back and forth. Steven scooted back over to his pile, giving Jasper an encouraging wink.

“We’ve got a lot to get through, so let’s get started!”

 

* * *

 

 

Jasper sifted, sorted, and organized, every now and then picking up an unknown item and asking what it was. She always received an enthusiastic answer from Steven, and the occasional story from Pearl. She was getting into the rhythm of it, digging deeper into the depths of the storage unit until just a sliver of sunlight followed after her between the boxes. Steven completed his section first, leaving a few things here and there for the final setup once they were finished, and soon Pearl joined him. As Jasper sunk towards the back of the space, she listened to them as they dumped out the box of photos. 

“Oh, this is a beautiful picture of your mother!”

“Look, it’s you guys together! You look really irritated, Pearl!”

“This is one of the first pictures Rose took with her very first camera. This was before Greg, even. She loved photography, she thought it was wonderful how humans wanted to capture one single moment for the rest of their short lives.”

“Aww, it’s a baby me! I still have my chubby baby cheeks.”

Jasper wiped the grime off of a fabric case, examining it closer. It had a small pocket at the front, with a crumple-cornered package stuffed inside. She unzipped the main compartment, and pulled out a square-shaped block hanging from a black strap with what looked like a circular mirror at one side and a square one encased in a tunnel on the other. A rainbow stripe ran down the middle of the contraption, and as the gem turned the device over in her hands, curiosity tickled her. She stood, sliding out from her spot, and cautiously stepped over to the reminiscing pair. “What’s this?” she asked, holding out the object. Steven’s eyes lit up brightly, and he let out a gasp, shooting to his feet and grabbing the device.

“No way! Is this it, Pearl?! Is this mom’s first camera?!” The excited boy dropped to the ground again, handing the ‘camera’ to Pearl. She hummed in thought, using a thumb to swipe away the dust lining the device’s mirror. 

“I don’t think this is her first, but it’s definitely one of them,” the wise gem answered, holding the thing up to her face and sticking her eye against a perfectly eye-shaped hole. Jasper leaned in closer, greatly intrigued by her discovery. She half expected it to suck Pearl’s eye out, or maybe inject something into her like some kind of torture device. “It’s a little dirty, but I can still see out of it.”

“So you mean it still works?!” Steven bounced in place, snatching the carrying case from Jasper as well and digging out the package in the front pocket. “No way, is this the film?!” 

“Steven, don’t get too hopeful. This thing is incredibly old for human tech. It may not work anymore,” Pearl warned, but Steven had that special unstoppable twinkle in his eye. He took the camera back in his thoughtful hands, tongue sticking out in concentration as he popped open a slot on the bottom of the device, tore open the package, and fiddled with it until he shut the compartment and a flat piece slid out from inside the contraption. Jasper crouched in between the two as they watched and waited with baited breath. The boy held the camera up to his face as Pearl had done. “Smile!” He pointed it at Pearl, who posed gracefully, and pressed his finger against the red button on the front, and-  _ click _ . 

The camera whirred and another flat piece ejected from the front, and Steven gently removed it and flipped it face down on top of his knee. “Now we wait…” he teased, barely able to contain his grin. The three of them sat there in a tense silence; Pearl restacking the photos neatly, Steven impatiently thrumming his fingers on the ground, and Jasper staring wide-eyed at the small white square. She had no clue what to expect. 

After a few minutes of waiting, Steven turned the white square over to reveal a dimmed picture of Pearl, and right before her very eyes, it slowly but surely began to fill with color. “How did you do that?!” Jasper barked, pointing a finger at the magic unfolding before them. “Did you do that?! How?!” Steven giggled as the dumbfounded quartz bent closer to inspect the photograph. 

“It’s called a camera! These ones are special because it prints out what you just took a picture of right away, so you can see it and keep it!” Steven explained, but it flew right over the baffled gem’s head. “Here, you can try it. Hold it like this-” Steven hopped back to his feet, standing beside where Jasper squat, and adjusted the boxy camera into her hands. It was tiny in her palms, and she held it as delicately as possible, nail hovering over the red button. “You look through that little square, aim at what you want to take a picture of, and press the button! Try it, try it!” 

“Uh, okay, I’ll try not to break it,” Jasper huffed, hesitantly raising the camera and peering into the viewfinder. Steven wrapped an arm around Pearl, sticking his tongue out goofily as Pearl pretended to be surprised. She steadied her nervous, shaking hands, lined up the shot, and-  _ click _ . Another white square was dispensed from the camera, and she carefully plucked it out as Steven had done, plopping onto her butt with her legs outstretched and placing it on her thigh.

Vigilantly, she watched over the photo as it developed in the shade of her looming figure, the black fading away and Pearl and Steven coming into focus. The two shifted around her, moving some of the empty boxes out of the way to make room for the last remaining ones on the right side of the storage unit. They were so close to being done, and satisfaction sparked in her chest.

The quartz soldier puffed up, her hair frizzing up in delight, presenting her photo to Pearl. “Wow, it actually came out pretty good,” the other gem complimented, and stars twinkled in Jasper’s yellow eyes. She showed it to Steven, who  _ oooh _ ’d.

“You’re a natural, Jasper!” he applauded, then gasped, a light bulb exploding over his head. “Why don’t you hold onto it? Keep using it and take a bunch of pictures, we can hang them around the living room!”

“Oh, stars- no, Steven, I couldn’t. If this is your mom’s, I don’t want to take it-” Appalled, Jasper forced the camera back into the boy’s hands, but he shoved it back towards her with his remarkable strength. 

“Please? Please keep it? You seem to really like it, and it would make me so happy to see you happy! In fact-” The boy cleared his throat sternly, and waggled a finger at the quartz. “That’s an order, soldier!” he commanded in a fake-deep voice, his lips twitching as he tried to hold a serious glower. 

Jasper played along, dropping to one knee and bowing her head obediently. “Yes, sir, Mr. Steven sir.” Steven took that moment to loop the camera strap around the quartz’s neck, as if presenting a medal for her accomplishments. As she lifted her head back up, she blinked at the boy.

He smiled gently, his rosy cheeks the perfect shade of pink. “It’s all yours.”

The larger gem rose to her feet and hugged the camera to her chest. “Thank you, Steven.”

 

Cleaning out the rest of the storage unit was a breeze. They crushed the rest of Greg’s belongings, dragged a sofa towards the back where they had hooked up a flat-screen television and a tall lamp to the Diamond communications pad, and arranged Rose’s decorative pieces along the left wall. Pearl swept the dusty ground, Steven rolled out an extra long carpet leading from the entrance of the unit to the couch, and Jasper reached the top corners of the space to clean away cobwebs. All the while, her new camera hung from her neck. They were preparing to leave and trudge back to the beach house with all of the collected junk when Jasper found one stray item-

A sword leaned against the wall, masked in the shadows and cocooned within a tangle of spiderwebs. Jasper brushed them away and blew on the sword to reveal gem language inscribed on the hilt. The blade, cut and formed by hand, zig-zagged towards the tip, giving the weapon a unique design. “Hey,” she called out to Pearl, grabbing the gem’s attention. “Is this yours?”

Pearl dropped what she was doing and rushed over, letting out a thrilled shriek. “I’ve been looking everywhere for this!” she exclaimed, accepting the sword from Jasper. “I wonder how it ended up in here…” She ran a finger along the slanted blade, lips pursing. “What a shame, it’s dull. But at least you found it! I thought I had lost it a few hundred years ago, but I guess not! Oh, Bismuth will be delighted!” 

“C’mon, guys, we gotta get this stuff back!” Steven shouted from outside the unit, already lifting a comically large load in his arms. 

Pearl slotted the newly found weapon into the club sheath and began gathering up some things as well, and Jasper followed suit. In one trip, they were able to drag everything back to the house, and rewarded themselves with donuts afterwards. It must’ve been far past noontime, as the sun was beginning its gradual descent towards the horizon. Exhausted and coated with a layer of dust, but content with their job well done, the trio entered the Big Donut and were met with the usual friendly faces of the off-colored gems. 

“Hi, Jasper! And Steven, and Pearl!” Rhodonite held up her top set of hands, and Jasper gave her a double high five. “What’ll it be, the usual?” 

“Double it, I have company,” Jasper replied, leaning against the counter and smirking. “How about that exclusive free friend discount, huh?” 

“Oh no, not this time! That won’t work on me again, you dastardly villain!” LIke an action hero, Rhodonite jabbed the tongs used to make donut selections towards Jasper, and the quartz cackled. 

“Jasper’s about to arrive with some friends, and they’re hungry after a day of hard work!” came a ditzy voice, and out waddled the off-color Sapphire from the back room. The Rutile twins appeared as well, leaning against the door frame. Padparadscha hugged Jasper’s leg tight, and the quartz reached down to give the comparatively tiny gem a pat on the head. 

“Hey, dude,” the left Rutile twin greeted, playfully saluting with two fingers. Jasper saluted back with a toothy grin. “Thanks for recommending that show about the twins separated at birth. We binged the entire thing, it was so good!”

“And then we fell down the internet rabbit hole, as Lars calls it,” the right twin continued, “-and ended up watching a whole documentary series about conjoined twins! We still can’t believe there’s humans like  _ us _ .”

Rhodonite handed the quartz her bag of donuts, and she wiggled her leg to dislodge the Sapphire. “I’m glad you liked it, I thought you would. I just finished another show about a bunch of clones, you might like that one as well. The first couple seasons are great, but it goes downhill after season three. They should’ve stopped it there.”

The twins clasped their hands together, giggling. “We’ll check it out together, then!”

“Jasper, I got you some hot chocolate,” Steven tapped on the gem’s side, handing her a large sized paper cup, steam billowing from the surface of the deliciously dark drink. 

As the trio backed towards the door, Jasper nodded towards the donut crew in acknowledgement. “See you next time, guys.” In return, she got a slurry of waves and goodbyes. As they walked out, with Jasper in the middle, Pearl gripping the same paper cup filled with hot tea on one side and Steven with a carton of durian juice on the other, she smiled blissfully.

“Well well, isn’t someone all chummy with those gems?” Pearl teased, giving the quartz an amused side-eye. Beside her other shoulder, Steven beamed brightly. Jasper flushed, shrinking in size.

“W-we’re friends. We have a lot in common,” she defended, hiding behind her mane of hair. It truly was an unexpected turn of events. The more she visited the Big Donut for her snacks, the more she warmed up to the off-colors. Somewhere in between the ice cream sandwiches, strawberry-filled donuts, and piping hot cups of coffee, they found commonground. She discovered the crew had a lot of similar thoughts and feelings as Jasper, and she quickly found comfort in marching through the glass door. They accepted her, and she accepted them.

As the sun began to set on another day, Jasper sat on the couch with her camera swaddled in a blanket and supported by a pillow like a baby. She wanted it safe and sound, and figured it would be well-protected if it was closest to her at all times. She spaced out, staring down at her hands, tracing a claw along the circles of blue-green on her thumb-

“What happened? You were all smiles and sunshine five minutes ago,” Pearl interrupted,  leaning against the kitchen counter with her tea cupped in one hand. The other held a wet rag, and she wiped the years of filth from the one-of-a-kind sword. Jasper left her head hanging.

“I”m fine,” she mumbled, running her fingers through her hair and giving her scalp a good scratch. “Just a little tired, is all.”

Skeptical, Pearl approached the couch and ducked her head to try and see Jasper’s face. “Is that really all?”

Biting her lip, Jasper avoided looking the slender gem in her sky blue eyes. “I’m just bored. I need to do something, or else I get antsy. It makes me wanna… get up and punch something.”

Pearl rubbed her chin thoughtfully, then snapped her fingers in a moment of enlightenment. “Why don’t you work out? You don’t even have to go to a gym, I’m sure Greg would be delighted to get some equipment. Or Steven, I remember one time when he  _ built  _ work out gear.” With an exasperated chuckle, the gem took a seat at the angle of the L-shaped couch. “You  _ can  _ punch things to stay busy, just not innocent people on the streets. You could even take up wrestling; there’s a whole sport dedicated to fighting.”

Jasper tilted her head to the side to give the other gem a perplexed squint. “Really? That sounds fake.”

Pearl took a sip from her tea, turning her knees towards Jasper. “I’m serious, it’s a real thing. You can even watch it live on TV. The things humans do in their spare time- oh!” With a sudden thought, Pearl sprung back to her feet. “That reminded me, I have something you might find interesting. Stay here, I’ll be right back.” The gem placed her cup down on the counter and rushed to the temple door, disappearing into her own personal room. Curious, Jasper leaned over to try and get a peek into the room, though she was only able to see a running waterfall. The slender gem returned quickly, cradling a stack of books in her arms.

She set them down on the couch beside Jasper, perching on the other side of them. “They’re a couple of books that I enjoyed,” she went on to explain, showing off the cover of each book. There was one thick hardcover titled  _ The History of War, _ another titled  _ Interviews With Trauma,  _ and the last with the title  _ The Things They Carried.  _ “I thought you would find them relatable, I certainly did. It’ll give you something to do when you find yourself getting bored.”

Jasper picked up the last book, a semi-autobiography, thumbing through the pages, then cracked a grateful smile. “Wow, thanks. I’ll check them out.”

“And you know, there’s a library close by. It’s out of town, but in walking distance. I’m sure Connie will show you one day, but you can select anything you want and take it home.” Pearl stood, grasping her tea, and backed off towards the temple door once again. “Have a nice night, Jasper. Thanks again for your help.”

  
  


Jasper curled up in the bay window with the autobiography, the camera resting on her stomach. Steven sat at the foot of his bed with his hot chocolate and a controller, the both of them content existing in their own separate bubbles. He had asked if she wanted to join him for a round of video games, but she politely declined, instead settling down with the book and devouring the first chunk of it. It was a recounting of events and exploits of a squadron of human soldiers during a war, and the narrator’s inner thoughts. She found herself engrossed in the novel the further it went along.

‘ _ They carried the common secret of cowardice barely restrained, the instinct to run or freeze or hide, and in many respects this was the heaviest burden of all, for it could never be put down, it required perfect balance and perfect posture _ ,’ the quartz read to herself in her head, ‘ _ They carried their reputations. They carried the soldier's greatest fear, which was the fear of blushing. Men killed, and died, because they were embarrassed not to _ -‘  

 

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a familiar silhouette. The blue winged gem flew over the town in the distance, bathed in a wash of sunset pinks and oranges. Quickly, as to not miss the moment, the quartz lifted her camera up to her face and pressed the red button-

 

_ click. _


	7. The Pinky Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper faces a conversation she has been dreading and makes a promise to never turn back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter where I nearly cried while writing!! This is the chapter I like to call "It's Time To Just Rip The Bandaid Off". That's very much what I wanted it to feel like, at least! (This chapter actually feels really short compared to others, hm... but I didn't want to drag it out, you know? This is very much the climax.)

Jasper froze at the door to the beach house, her chest seizing in an instinctual fear. She could see familiar blue hair through the window. She considered turning around, running back down the length of the beach as fast as she could until she simply disappeared into the wind. Then she wouldn’t have to face the blue gem. But that was the exact thing she wanted to solve, wasn’t it? And the gem sitting on the couch had already spotted her. There was no turning back. This was the day Jasper had most feared and anticipated for months.

The door creaked as she entered, and Steven spun around to greet her with a soothing smile. “Hey, Jasper! I… I hope this is okay to do today.” He twiddled his thumbs nervously, glancing between the two gems. “I asked Lapis and she said she was ready to talk, and I know you’ve been looking forward to it for a while, too.”

“I don’t know if ‘looking forward to it’ is accurate,” Jasper grumbled in response, eyes trailing on the small photograph Lapis held in her fingers. Her hackles raised as anxiety rushed to her fingertips. “But it’s something that needs to be done.”

A slightly used but still welcoming reclining chair had been set up directly across from where Lapis sat. They had finally replaced the coffee table, at least giving the two a physical barrier between them. Tentatively, Jasper took a seat, averting her yellow gaze from the other gem and hugging her churning stomach. 

“I’m right here for you guys,” Steven whispered, as if not to disturb the rigid air forming like a stormcloud in the room. “If either of you needs to stop and walk away, don’t be afraid to. This is  _ your  _ time to say whatever you have to for yourself.”

Jasper peeked over cautiously, watching as Lapis placed the photograph of herself flying into the sunset on the table. Jasper had scribbled a single word, a title for the piece, in black pen in the white border beneath the photograph;  _ freedom _ . To her surprise, Lapis tensed up in the same exact way; shoulders strained, fingers scratching anxiously at her elbow, face pale and eyes turning away. They sat in the suffocating silence for what felt like a millennium, until Steven cracked it like an egg. “Who wants to start?”

Jasper breathed in slowly, then exhaled it all, trying her best to remember Garnet’s lesson on meditation. She centered herself, then lifted her eyes and uttered her first words; “I’m so-”

“I’m sorry-” They had spoken in unison, and met each other’s stunned gazes, both paralyzed for a moment. “You go first,” the other gem insisted, shrinking into the couch cushions.

“No, you go,” Jasper replied firmly, leaning in closer. “I want you to go first.”

Lapis pressed a hand to her chest, squeezing her eyes shut as her lip quivered, mouth opening and closing as she struggled to find the right words. Jasper sympathized with her. “I’m… sorry I hurt you so much,” she finally pieced together her first sentence, ocean colored eyes popping open and staring directly into the quartz’s soul. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I’ve been working hard to right the wrongs I’ve done, but some damage can never be reversed. Trust me, I know.” Her captivating stare held Jasper in its grips, and she found herself unable to look away. Her fight-or-flight response flickered within her, but she forced herself to stay in the comforts of the chair. Steven’s lingering presence helped to calm her. 

“I had spent such a huge part of my life trapped and used. I wasn’t a  _ gem _ , I was an object, and I couldn’t save myself no matter how hard I tried,” the blue gem continued, intertwining her fingers together and placing them on her lap. “I wanted to scream at anybody who picked me up in that mirror. It could’ve been so easy for them to help me, but they didn't! And as time went on, I grew so enraged at the rest of the universe. I let it build up inside of me, and when Steven finally  _ did  _ release me from the mirror, all of that anger that had built up exploded into a giant mess.” Lapis broke their eye contact and Jasper hung her head shamefully as she listened to the other gem’s history. She never  _ knew  _ the story, but she could  _ feel  _ that anger when they were fused. It was becoming clearer.

“And then you entered my life.” Lapis’s voice trembled in something undefinable. Was it anger? Was it sadness? A mixture of both? Jasper kept her head ducked, face hidden away by her mane of hair. “To me, you represented all of the gems I grew to hate while inside the mirror. You wanted to control me, and push me around, and use me, and I hated you. Every time you touched me it stung. I couldn’t stand to look at you. So when the chance arose to fuse with you? I took it. I took it because after all those _years_ of suffering, there you were, the perfect target of my rage.”

A hot discomfort spread over Jasper’s skin, like tiny needles stabbing into her, and she shot Steven a stressed look. He returned the glance with a soft smile that said ‘ _ just keep listening, you’re doing great _ ’.

“It was wrong, Jasper, I know that. I was so blinded by my emotions at that time, I couldn’t see how wrong it was. So I controlled you, and pushed you around, and used you, and  _ hated  _ you. It made me feel so powerful, it made me thrive, knowing that I made you feel so weak.  _ You _ , a gem I barely knew and didn’t care to know. I took all of my suffering out on you. I wanted to make you feel like I had felt for thousands of years; trapped, and alone, and scared, and helpless.” The blue gem’s voice cracked, and she covered her mouth with her hand. Her eyes watered, but she blinked away the tears. “I was so desperate. I was so terrible. I had turned into a  _ monster _ .”

Lapis paused, burying her lithe face into the crook of her elbow for a moment, and Jasper took the time to interject; “I understand, Lapis. I understand all of your feelings and everything you’re saying. I spent so much time after the war feeling like a prisoner in my own home. I felt hopeless and hid it behind aggression and violence. I knew I was big and strong and nobody would dare to mess with me, and I used it to my advantage. And then- and then when we were fused, and you broke me so easily, it was… almost like a relief. I hated you, too- but at the same time, I loved your power. After years of being the best of the worst, you made me feel like shit like nobody else had done before. And it felt  _ good _ .” 

Lapis shook her head, dispelling her tears and giving the quartz a piercing glare. “I only realized how toxic we had been to each other after we unfused,” she continued. “It was like waking up in a new body and mind; I don’t know if it was because I had finally released all of the anger inside of me, or because connecting with you had cleared my conscious, but… I felt nothing but dread. Only then did I realize what I had done to you. I didn’t know how to handle it, I didn’t want to face the consequences of my actions… Until you hunted me down on that boat and dropped to your knees. Only then did I see what I had truly done to you.”

The blue gem straightened up, no longer cowering, and she had perfect posture. Shoulders squared strongly, chin lifted, hair swept back like a wave- Jasper found herself mesmerized by the gem’s glow. “I had done exactly what I wanted to do, didn’t I? I scarred you with all of the issues that had brewed inside of me for my entire life. I trapped you on a strange planet, alone and with no way to get home. You were scared- I could see it in your eyes that day. You were so desperate, and it was all because of  _ me _ . I knew I had to stop you. I knew I couldn’t accept you back, because it would only spell disaster for both of us. You were helpless and scrambling, and I was panicking, and I didn’t want you close to me. I didn’t want to see you ever again. I didn’t want the ultimate proof of my mistakes right in front of my eyes.”

“But here I am.” A sick bubble of laughter welted on Jasper’s full lips. “Funny how it ended up, huh?”

“All of this… Your corruption, your fear, the fact that you even have to stay here on this planet at all- it’s all my fault. So, from the deepest part of my heart, I’m sorry.”

Jasper held up a hand, then gripped it into a tight fist. “It’s not entirely your fault,” she shot back, bending over and planting both of her fists onto the coffee table for stability. It felt like the world was capsizing, and she needed to anchor herself to the surface lest she sink into the abyss. “It was all circumstantial. We’re  _ both  _ at fault. You weren’t the only one doing bad things. I started off on the wrong foot, even. But this world- as much as I started off hating it, represents me as a gem. This is where I was made, where I fought, and where I returned to discover who I really am. And, Lapis, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I would be back on Homeworld, miserable and insensitive to who I really am. I have you to  _ thank  _ if anything.”

Lapis winced, chewing on her bottom lip. “I don’t want to hear that.”

“Okay, sorry- let me rephrase it.” Considerately, Jasper backtracked. “What we did to each other as Malachite was terrible. But I’m a firm believer of the saying ‘ _ everything happens for a reason _ ’. Even the bad things in life have a place. And if we hadn’t fused, and I hadn’t been driven to madness, I wouldn’t be here, physically and mentally. I became the worst version of myself while I was with you and after I lost you. I was desperate, you’re right. I knew that if I convinced you to fuse with me again, we could fly away together and I could use your powers to feel complete. You filled a void I never knew existed. So I missed you, and I craved your abuse. So when you rejected me, I… I didn’t know what to do other than fight. That’s all I had ever known.  _ You  _ were a dead end, but  _ fusion  _ wasn’t. If I couldn’t fuse with you, I would fuse with anything to fill the emptiness.”

Lapis scooched forward on the couch, pressing her own palms flat on the coffee table, eyes locked onto Jasper’s hands. For a moment, the quartz grew self-conscious of the blue-green ringlets on her thumb, the mark of corruption. She knew Lapis was gawking at it, blaming herself. She could tell by the way her thin eyebrows scrunched together. “My corruption wasn’t your fault, Lapis. It was mine, and mine alone. Just like you, I was blinded by emotion, by my desperation to escape and fill the loneliness in my heart. I hit rock bottom, but when you’re at the bottom there’s only one way to go; up. And now… now I’m here, and I’m recovering and learning about myself with the help of everyone. I don’t feel like I deserve their unconditional love and support, but it feels so amazing. I’m so grateful. I’ve changed, Lapis, and this time when I say that, I mean it.” Jasper caught only a glimpse of Lapis’s teary blue eyes before bowing her head low, slamming her palms down in the middle of the coffee table. “All I want is for you to be able to look at me again. Without pity, and without guilt, and any other emotions you might hold against me or me against you. I want nothing more than to move on and continue to grow, and I want you to be a part of that journey. We’re both a part of the same family, and we don’t have to be best friends, but I want you to accept my apology. I’m at your mercy, Lapis. I’m at your mercy.”

To her astonishment, Jasper felt Lapis’s fingers brush over the top of her hand, turning the quartz’s much larger palms over. Dumbfounded, she watched as Lapis hesitantly rested her own palms on top, her cooling touch twitching against Jasper’s trembling fingers. “No, you’re not. You’re not at anybody’s mercy anymore, Jasper. Not mine, not Homeworld’s,  _ nobody _ . You control yourself now. And I believe you. You have changed, I can see it in the way you hold yourself, and the way you interact with others. You’re so… different. Just like me, you had a lot to recover from. We both still have scars, but they’re healing, and… I’m glad to see you able to smile. I know for myself, it feels good to be able to laugh without worry. And…” The blue gem picked up the Polaroid photo, placing it into Jasper’s hand and closing her fingers around it. “You’re free now. We’re both free.”

Lapis’s mere touch was enough to push Jasper over the edge; sobs rocked her inner core, tears spilling over into great waterfalls flowing down her striped cheeks. She covered Lapis’s hands, both of which gripped her fist, with her free one, and unable to speak through her shallow gasps and uncontrollable weeping could only watch as Lapis began to cry as well. 

Lapis’s much quieter and softer whimpers slowly turned to a laugh of disbelief. “We’re- we’re touching right now, and nothing bad is happening. We’re actually touching, and it doesn’t scare me at all!”

“And nothing bad will ever happen again,” Jasper blubbered, ducking her head. She took a few deep breaths to calm her convulsive breathing, then shook her head to clear away the fogginess in her eyes. “I won’t ever hurt you again, Lapis. And I won’t ever hurt myself, either.”

“Me too,” Lapis added, withdrawing her hands from Jasper’s warm grasp to wipe her wet face on the front of her cropped shirt. “I don’t ever want anybody to feel what we felt,  _ ever  _ again.” She held up her hand, all fingers curled against her palm except for her pinky, which she stuck out to Jasper. “Pinky promise me that you’ll never look back and you’ll continue to get better.”

“What’s that?” Jasper asked, mimicking the outward pinky fist. Lapis twined her tiny finger around Jasper’s, and Jasper tilted her head in bewilderment.

“It’s an extra special promise to each other. If you ever break it, you’ll have bad luck for the rest of eternity. It’s an oath, and this is how you swear by it.” Lapis pulled away slowly, placing her hands back on her lap. “There. The past is in the past.”

Jasper slumped back in the reclining chair, a relieved exhaustion settling over her like a blanket. “The past is in the past,” she repeated firmly.

The looming cloud of tension dissolved as they both relaxed, offering small yet respectful smiles to each other. A loud sniffle caught both of their attention, and they turned to Steven, who was in the process of wiping his messy, swollen face off on the sleeve of his jacket. “I- I’m so proud of you both,” he stuttered, rising shakily from his spot and falling into Lapis’s arms. She held him for a moment as he whimpered, before he slipped from her lap and threw himself into Jasper’s as well. The quartz gave the boy’s puffy hair a thankful pat. 

“It’s all your doing, Steven,” Lapis cooed. “You saved me, and you taught me how to care about myself.”

“Yeah,” Jasper agreed in a subtle whisper, giving the boy a mighty hug. He grunted but returned it with the same amount of passion. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I wish I could tell you a billion times how grateful I am.” 

The boy pulled away, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. “I just love you both so much. I want nothing but the best for you guys. I’m  _ sooo  _ glad you two finally were able to talk. It’s such a huge thing, and now it feels like this family is truly complete!” 

“Right…” Jasper’s eyes traveled the room, the space she called home, and the two beings she now called family. “Family… A family I pinky promise to protect.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jasper admired the changing sky as the sun slipped beyond the horizon. She snapped a few photos; one of the fading colors and streaky clouds, one of the gently rolling waves as they lapped at her feet, and one of a swirled shell that sat beside her. She let the pictures develop face down on her thigh. As she waited, her keen ears listened as hushed footsteps approached her, nearly floating over the beach. Lapis plopped down beside her, kicking off her sandals and burying her feet into the cool sand. 

“I love the sea,” the blue gem commented, voice melting into the dreamy sloshing of the crawling waves. “There was a time where I was so sick of it, but it really is the most beautiful part of this planet.”

Jasper hummed in response, flipping over the pictures to inspect them, the color creeping into view. “Me too. It’s crazy that it takes up 70 percent of Earth’s surface, yet humans don’t know even a fraction of what lives in it. To think that you don’t even know all of the species on your own planet? Heh, so naive.”

Lapis giggled, letting her head fall back as she soaked in the last rays of sunlight bouncing off the ocean’s surface. “They’re so silly. Their ways of thinking are so strange and unique, they think of things I could never think of. Like that camera; who even thought of that idea? Who sat down and said ‘I want a tiny version of myself frozen in time’?”

“I don’t know, but I’m glad they did,” Jasper joked, hugging the camera to her chest. “I understand it. I want to capture every little moment in a tiny picture that I know I can look at when I’m sad. Even if I’m not on the beach, I can still look at the picture and remember what it feels like to be there.” Lapis peered over at her collection of photos, plucking one from the quartz’s thigh to examine it closer.

“You’re right, that is actually… really cool. It’s genius. You could bring these to other gems who have never seen Earth and show them just how beautiful it is here.” The blue gem returned the photo to its spot, and Jasper scooped them up into a neat little pile. Lapis sprawled out onto her back, using her hands as a pillow, and shut her eyes comfortably. Jasper watched her for a moment, before doing the same, resting her own hands on her stomach. 

“We’re so similar, Jasper,” the blue gem muttered. “I never realized it before now. It’s… comforting to know that there’s someone else who feels the same way I do.”

Jasper purred deep in her chest in response, then let the conversation fizzle into an easy silence.

The two laid there, far enough apart to avoid touching but close enough to appreciate each other’s company. They said nothing else, didn’t feel the need to. They simply… existed. As the world surrounding them slipped into tender darkness, and the waves retreated back into the ocean, and the stars awoke to twinkle and dance in the sky, and the moon bathed them in a faint illumination, the two gems simply existed side by side. They found solace in each other’s company. Jasper had found her peace at last. The weight of the past had been lifted from her shoulders, and she could finally be free. She let her eyes slip shut, savoring the tranquil night.

 

Jasper smiled to herself. 


	8. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper runs to the store with Greg during a snowstorm and comes back home to a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, thus ends this fic (.... for now???). I really enjoyed writing this. It was both cathartic and fun for many reasons, and I'm SOOOO happy so many people seemed to share the same emotions I did while writing it. This might not be the last you see of this particular universe, but I do wanna move on to other projects! In my heart, I'll always love writing Jasper, and this fic really caught my heart. <3 (also posting it a tad bit late in the night but I wanted to get it posted before tomorrow!)

Steven said it was supposed to snow. 

 

Jasper had seen snow before. She recalled trudging through it, knee-high and weighing down her every step. She recalled screaming in frustration, her roar echoing through the forest, as she struggled through the immovable obstacle. It fell softly from the sky, sprinkling her face in white before the wind had scooped it up and blinded her. It was safe to say her first experience with snow wasn’t pleasant, so she grew anxious when Steven showed her the news forecast. It was supposed to be a big one, he said. The first big one of the season.

All of the trees were bare naked, leaves crunchy and dead on the ground beneath her boots. One morning, her breath magically morphed into a cloud of visible smoke when she exhaled, and she had panicked, thinking the worst. But Steven was there to reassure her that it was normal and nothing was wrong with her. The young boy bundled up in a thick jacket, a scarf, a pair of gloves, and a pom-pom hat every morning. He said temperatures were expected to drop unusually low for the beach town. Jasper watched the news day after day, witnessing the decline herself.  _ 40 degrees, 35, 30, 25 _ … 

Everyone else seemed especially lazy and chilled by the incoming cold front. Garnet and Pearl huddled in the kitchen with a hot pot of tea, and Steven and Amethyst piled on top of each other at the foot of the boy’s bed with their controllers. At last, Steven slowed down. No more unnecessarily early mornings, no more running around like a chicken with its head cut off, no more interrupting their bonding time for some “important matter”… He much preferred to curl up on the couch with Jasper, a huge, fluffy blanket, and a mug of hot chocolate, warming his frozen toes and fingers. Jasper appreciated the company.

Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth even came to visit a few times, drawn out of their countryside living to spend a day circled around the fireplace. Jasper found herself observing rather than participating in their rambunctious conversations, though she always stationed herself closeby. Connie started to visit as well, mentioning that it was her ‘winter break’. Steven, Connie, and Jasper would pull up a movie on Connie’s laptop and Jasper would sit between the two kids as they used the massive quartz as their own personal heater. 

 

It was the day of the storm, and Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, and Steven were gathered around a mountain of freshly cleaned clothes and blankets, all pitching in to help fold them and sort them. Jasper stepped through the door, waving at her housemates as they greeted her. 

“Jasper, you’re here!” Steven shouted, seemingly overjoyed. 

“Uh, yeah. I’m here,” Jasper replied bashfully, scratching her cheek. “You don’t have to announce it to the entire world.”

Steven giggled, rising to his feet. “We’re preparing for the storm,” he explained, motioning to the giant mess covering half of the kitchen floor. “Lots of blankets are coming your way, commander!”

Jasper snorted, giving the boy’s poofy hair a playfully rough noogie. “Thanks, cadet. Do you need any-” Suddenly, as if their humble home had been struck by an unseen force, the lights went out and they were plunged into a milky darkness. “-help…?”

“Oh dear, it seems like the power went out,” Pearl gasped in dramatic horror, sliding her perfectly neat pile of t-shirts off to the side. 

“Shit, we’re screwed! We’re gonna freeze to death!” Amethyst exclaimed fakely, her voice smothered in sarcasm. 

“Oh nooo, whatever are we to do?” Garnet joined in as well, unable to contain a rather suspicious grin. 

In the dark, Jasper’s yellow eyes glowed, acting as her own flashlight, and she moved a skeptical glare from gem to gem. “Don’t worry!” Steven comforted, “I have the perfect thing for this exact situation!” He shuffled away in his cat-shaped slippers and began sifting through the storage space under the stairs. With a triumphant ‘ah-ha!’ he pulled out an electric lantern. The other gems shifted as well, moving around the dark space carefully. Daunting storm clouds already brewed in the murky sky, heavy and low-hanging. 

Jasper crouched beside the boy as he fiddled with the lantern, turning a knob on the front to no avail. “Aw, crap… No juice.” With a discouraged frown, the boy set the lantern off to the side. The other gems laid out a line of candles on the kitchen counters, and Garnet lit them all with a snap of her fingers. As if right on some undetectable cue, Steven’s father stumbled through the door, hugging himself and shivering.

“Woo-boy! It’s a doozy out there, you guys!” he declared, shutting the door tightly behind him to keep out the creeping chill. 

“Dad!” Steven leaped into her father’s arms, giving him a mighty embrace. “I’m so glad you’re here, this is perfect!”

“What’s up, Stuball? Did you guys just lose power or something?” Jasper lingered until Greg smiled her way, and she cracked a small smirk in return. She had met Greg previously, but they had never really spoken thoroughly beyond talk of the weather. 

“Yeah, isn’t it crazy? Dad- the lantern’s batteries are dead. Will you run to the store for us and grab some more?” Steven’s eyes twinkled in that special way of his as he clasped his hands together. 

“Oh jeez, buddy, I just got here! You’re gonna make your old man go back out in the cold?” Greg joked, but readjusted his scarf and winked at his son. 

“Why don’t you go with him, Jasper?” Steven turned to the quartz, and she blinked at him. 

“Me? Why?” Jasper questioned, raising an eyebrow. “That sounds like a solo mission.”

“Just in case he runs into the bad weather on his way back!” Steven replied, and the excuse was a good one. “It might get messy when you’re driving, so if his van gets stuck, you could just carry it home! You’ll be his super strong bodyguard!”

Jasper scoffed, brushing away a strand of hair from her face, flexing her broad shoulders. Steven knew exactly what to say to win her over. “Okay, I’ll go with him.”

“Great! That’ll make me feel a lot better,” Greg wiped his sweaty forehead and smiled big. As much as Steven resembled Rose, Jasper could also see the young boy in the way Greg spoke and smiled. She figured it made sense since he was the one who raised the kid. 

Steven had gone back to digging under the stairs, and he quickly turned around and hid something behind his back. “Before you go, just so you don’t get cold…”

“You know I don’t get cold, Steven,” Jasper interjected, not wanting to give the boy too much hope, though she was sure he already knew this fact about gems.

“Here’s some essential winter gear you!” He unveiled the surprise; a matching scarf and hat. The scarf was striped with red and orange, and at the bottom had a row of black dangling tassels. The hat’s pompom was made from the same black yarn, with a red brim and an orange base. He held them out to the quartz and obediently she knelt before him and ducked her head so he could reach. He threw the scarf around her neck, tying it so it even covered the lower half of her face, and tugged the hat over the gem’s braid-wrapped horns. She stood up proudly, adorned with her new gear.

“Thanks, kid. It’ll keep me nice and warm.” Seeing the joy light up on the boy’s face was worth playing along with his fantasy. Jasper smiled toothily. 

“You two be careful out there!” Pearl called after them as Jasper followed the adult human out the beach house door. 

“We will!” Greg shouted back, then secured the door from the outside. They walked wordlessly across the beach to where he had parked his van on the nearest spot of pavement. “Hop in,” he invited warmly, and Jasper cautiously opened the passenger side door. The van rocked as she climbed in, and she barely fit in the seat, knees pressed against the front dashboard and head touching the ceiling. 

“It’s a little cramped,” she commented in exasperation, and Greg chuckled. 

“Rose always had the same exact problem. Sometimes she would lay in the back instead of even trying to fit in the front! Especially when she was pregnant with Steven.”

The van’s engine revved and a hot blast of air shot from the vents, and Greg rolled the vehicle back onto the road. Jasper removed her hat to avoid smashing the pompom.

“It’s a bit of a drive to the nearest supermarket,” the man explained apologetically, pressing a button on the panel in the middle of the dashboard. “You can pick out some music if you want. I have some CDs in the console here, or you can pick a radio station.”

Amused, Jasper decided to pick through the book of CDs stored in the compartment between them. She flipped through her choices, settling on a disk with a simple space background with the word  _ ‘Comet’  _ in big, bold letters. Spotting her selection, Greg blushed. “Oh jeez, you’re picking that one? That was my first official single.”

“This is yours?” Jasper asked critically and eagerly waved the disk at the human. Keeping one hand safely on the steering wheel, he took it from her and slid it into a slot on the panel of buttons. The CD disappeared, and Jasper watched the little screen as the title and song length popped up. The song started with a strong guitar solo, and then Greg’s voice began to sing. Shocked, Jasper stared wide-eyed at the man in the driver’s seat. 

He shifted awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. “This was the first song of mine that Rose heard. She was instantly hooked, and she was my first real fan! Man, I fell for her the minute I saw her. I knew I had to talk to her. And the second I did, I knew I loved her. It was like… bam! Right in my face.”

Jasper squinted, pursing her full lips. “How did you know you… loved her?” 

“Oh, it was easy! She was the most beautiful person I had ever laid eyes on. She was tall, and majestic, and had the most gorgeous eyes. It was like a big explosion in my chest, an explosion of inspiration! Even though I didn’t know her, I felt like we were destined to be side by side. So, I followed my gut!” Greg sighed dreamily, rubbing his face with a hand. “And it happened so fast, but soon we were inseparable. I wrote so many songs about her that I still have kicking around somewhere. It’s like I would look at her and I didn’t ever want to stop looking. She made me so happy, every morning I’d wake up and say, ‘I can’t wait to see her again!’ That’s what love feels like.”

Jasper flipped down the visor on her side and gazed at herself in the compact mirror. “You don’t ever want to stop looking…” she mused under her breath. “So… can anybody do this love thing? Fall in it, or whatever?”

Greg shot the gem a surprised look. “Why? Do you think you’re in love?” 

“I… don’t know. Can you love a  _ thing _ ?” 

“Of course! Love isn’t exclusive to other people. If you feel it in your heart, then you can love anything! Like, I love Rose, but I also  _ really  _ love the Nacho Taco Supreme from Taco And Co.. I love Steven, but I also love to play the guitar. See? Anything can fill your heart with love. Anything that makes you feel happy!”

Jasper’s eyes wandered to the side window. Just beyond the glass, dainty snowflakes were beginning to fall. They cascaded downward in a curtain of white and stuck to the window, dissolving into regular old raindrops. “Huh… I love the ocean. It’s like how you described; I wake up every morning excited to see it again. And I spend a stupid amount of time simply… looking at it. It’s an endless sea of possibilities and life, and the way the sun shines on it… It leaves me speechless sometimes.”

“Yeah, there you go!” Excited, Greg gave Jasper’s knee an encouraging pat. “Man, you’re getting a lot of these Earth concepts a lot quicker than I expected you to! I mean- Steven has been telling me about how rough you had it on Homeworld and everything. But it seems like you’re adjusting so well!”

Jasper huffed, returning her gaze back to her own reflection. She hadn’t uncovered her horns since they had been tied up by Connie, and while she itched to release them for the world to see, a single thread of fear still held her back. She still found them uncomfortably ugly and different, too eye-catching, too provoking, too easy to ask prying questions about. Even around the other gems, there was still a simmering fear of them judging her, or worse- pitying her. She shook her head to clear her uncertain thoughts. “I’m glad it seems like it. It’s been hard. Really hard. Every little thing has been a struggle.”

“Yeah, I bet! It’s a huge culture shock, going from one society to another. Even right here on Earth, it’s never easy to replant yourself in new ground.” They had been driving on a long stretch of road during their talk, and Greg finally took a turn down a new road and into a busy parking lot. “I’m gonna sound like Steven by saying this, but- while there are all sorts of great people and things to love on this planet, the most important kind of love is self-love.” Jasper dragged her eyes away from the mirror, staring blankly at the human man. “Once you can love yourself, you’re practically invincible! But that’s a hard road to pave…” 

Jasper continued to stare, tucking her chin under the bushy scarf. After receiving silence for an answer, Greg held up his hands defensively.

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way!” he worried, “I meant- Steven has been telling me about your struggle. And I don’t wanna repeat things that you’ve probably heard a million times before, but-” The man pointed to his own head, and Jasper bit her lip. “You don’t have to worry about the whole horns thing. Rose was walking around as a barefoot 8-foot tall woman with 8-foot long hair, and nobody ever batted an eye. Everyone’s so concerned about their own lives that they hardly notice something as small as a little pair of horns! Especially around these parts. Yeesh! Everyone’s desensitized to the strange and unusual at this point.”

Somehow the quartz found comfort in the man’s words. It must’ve been his fatherly attitude, or the way his voice rose and fell purely, accentuated by characteristic cracks. She found him easy to trust.

“Besides-” Greg continued, putting the van in park. “Some tiny horns on the top of your head aren’t the first thing people notice about you. That’s gotta be your massive triceps! I mean, check out that gun show!” He flexed himself, though his puffy winter jacket concealed any movement at all. Jasper burst into a boisterous laugh, hugging her own gut.

“Greg, you’re right.” Jasper slammed a sure fist on the middle console, shaking the entire van with her strength. “From here on out, I’m not going to hide them anymore. It’s stupid to, anyway. I’d rather show off my muscles.” Cautiously, as to not unravel Connie’s professional braids, Jasper unwrapped her horns and let the long strands fall on either side of her face. She also pulled all of her untamable hair back and bundled it into a messy bun, tucking the ends of the braids into it until they framed her face perfectly. She checked herself in the visor mirror, rolling her neck on her muscular shoulders to catch every angle. 

“Yeah, that’s the spirit!” Greg cheered her on, “Besides, they’re a part of you now. You can’t take them off, so you might as well embrace them! They’re not anything to be ashamed of, they’re something to be proud of! They’re a reminder of how far you’ve come!”

“Yeah! Yeah, I agree!” Energetically, Jasper flung the door open and stepped into the parking lot, throwing her arms up to welcome the falling snowflakes. One landed on the very tip of her gem nose, and she wiped it away with her blue-green thumb. “C’mon, let’s go get those batteries, Greg.”

 

The drive back was filled with laughter and music. Jasper had strutted through the store like she owned the place, and nobody even glanced in her direction. She was glowing with confidence by the time they reached the checkout line. The duo also bought a bag of snack-sized chips to share on the way home, and crushed it by the time they hit the edge of the snowy beach town. The storm started to pick up, gusts tossing flurries of snow into the air. They reminded Jasper of Pearl’s artwork; swirly and beautiful. Together, Jasper and Greg fought against the buffeting wind as they made their way up the stairs, rushing through the doorway and slamming the door shut behind them.

The living room was dark and empty. The candles Garnet had lit before Jasper had left were blown out. Jasper expected the gems to be crowded together to keep warm, maybe playing a board game or sharing stories by the fireplace. Instead, nobody was around. “Uh… Steven?” Jasper called into the darkness, taking a step forward-

Suddenly the ceiling lights flickered on, and everyone jumped out from behind the kitchen island, the couch, and the coffee table with one, unified “SURPRISE!” Jasper, like a startled cat, leaped backward, nearly knocking Greg off of his feet. Her golden eyes slit in alarm and she braced herself against the door frame, rapidly surveying the situation before taking any further action; A hand-drawn sign had been hung up across the room, and it read ‘ _ WELCOME HOME, JASPER! _ ” in a rainbow of colors. Childish doodles covered the banner, caricatures of all the crystal gems. The kitchen counter and coffee table presented an assortment of food, snacks, and drinks. Everyone was there. Steven, Connie, Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet, Lapis, Peridot, Lars and his off-colored crew, Bismuth, Biggs, Ocean, and a few humans Jasper couldn’t name but recognized from around town- all beaming and posing from their locations throughout the living room. And most importantly; the lights were back on.

“You fixed the lights,” Jasper observed nonchalantly, pointing upwards to the ceiling.

Steven bounced up to the quartz, taking her hands and holding them in his pink, warm grip. “They were never broken in the first place!” he admitted with an ear-to-ear grin.

Confused, Jasper tilted her head. “You… lied?”

Steven tugged the gem further into the room, gesturing up to the banner. “We wanted to throw you a surprise party, silly! But…” The boy pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. “You don’t seem very surprised...”

“Party…? I-I am surprised, I’m surprised the lights are back on and that everybody’s here,” Jasper responded, flabbergasted by the unexpected experience. 

“A party! Like… a ball! But in a much smaller space,” Steven sheepishly rubbed his elbow. “I wanted to get everyone together so we could celebrate how far you’ve come. I wanted to let you know that I’m proud of you- we all are!”

Scorching red hotness spread across Jasper’s cheeks as she realized everyone was looking at her, and she shrunk a bit. “Oh… this is for me?” 

With his starry eyes, Steven nodded feverishly. 

“Stars, Steven… You really didn’t have to do this. I’m not that special.” Everyone melted back into the joyous environment, returning to their conversations and red solo cups and cans of soda. 

“Sure you are! You’re special to me!” Steven assured, pulling Jasper over to the coffee table. Peridot, Pearl, and Lapis chatted together, already holding plates loaded with goodies. “And there’s still a lot of Earth stuff you haven’t tried yet! So we all picked our favorite foods to share with you! I chose hot dogs and hamburgers, Dad bought a huge order from Taco And Co., Connie made some Naan bread, Garnet and I made pancakes this morning, Pearl traveled, like, two hours to pick up the best pastries and truffles in Delmarva, and, well… Amethyst picked out everything else because she couldn’t decide on a favorite!”

Overwhelmed by food and emotion, Jasper could only manage an impressed chuckle as she scanned the buffet of snacks. “Wow… This is a lot.”

“Hey!” The quartz snapped her head to the side, catching Amethyst as she flew in from nowhere and jabbed Jasper in the thigh. “Who do you think you are?! Are you coming for my style now?!” The smaller quartz had tied up her long, lilac hair in a similar bun to her own. “You know this means we have to fight to see who has the dominant bun, right?”

Jasper grabbed the front of Amethyst’s shirt, throwing her into an inescapable headlock, and wrestled her to the floor easily as she scrambled and wiggled. 

“Ack! C’mon, this isn’t fair! You’re at a huge size advantage!” the other gem whined, smacking Jasper’s forearm in defeat. “Uncle, uncle! I’m throwing in the white flag!”

Respecting her tap-out, Jasper released Amethyst, and she flopped onto the floor like a dead fish. “You shouldn't challenge me, then,” she warned playfully, giving the limp quartz a nudge with the toe of her boot. “Get up, sis, you’re embarrassing me.” The trio from the couch snickered and rolled their eyes at the roughhousing, and Jasper glanced up at them. 

“You two are going to get yourselves hurt one day,” Pearl scolded, crossing one leg neatly over the other. “And when you come crying to me, I’m not saving you.”

“Jasper, come sit!” Peridot intervened, making room on the couch for the larger gem. She scooted her way behind the coffee table and took the spot gratefully, resting her elbow on the back of the cushions behind Pearl’s head. “I have something for you to try. It’s called… gum!” With a shit-eating grin, Peridot held out a small square package with individually silver-wrapped pieces of… something. Curious, Jasper plucked one out and, peeking over at the green gem for approval, unwrapped it. “You chew it and it releases all of its flavors in your mouth! It’s pretty cool if you ask me.” Following her directions, Jasper popped the thin sheet of sugary goodness into her mouth and chomped on it. Her tongue was flooded with a wave of sweetness, and as she chewed it between her teeth it grew gummy in her mouth. ‘ _ Huh, I guess that’s why it’s called gum… _ ’ 

“Now you swallow it,” Lapis added, leaning over Peridot’s shoulder smugly. Peridot gave the blue gem a shove.

“Lapis, you’re not supposed to swallow it! You’re just supposed to chew it!” Peridot snapped back, but Lapis merely leaned over her again, squashing the gem’s triangular hair under her arm.

“Swallow it, I dare you,” Lapis repeated, giving Jasper a challenging staredown. The quartz swallowed.

“I swallowed it,” she declared, eliciting a delightful little snort from Lapis.

“Jasper, no! You’re not supposed to swallow it!” Peridot argued, releasing her neon orange can into the air and letting it hover there to use both hands to emote expressively. “Why did you swallow it?!”

Jasper pointed directly at Lapis. “She dared me to. Am I supposed to say no to a dare?”

“A dare from Lapis, yes! Don’t ever do anything she says, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about!” Peridot slapped a tiny hand over Lapis’s mouth and the two wrangled for a moment. Jasper half-grinned, fully entertained by their scene. 

 

The quartz stayed with those three for a while, tasting the different treats splayed out on the table, before she caught something much more interesting out of the corner of her eye. She rose from her spot and wiggled out past Pearl, balancing her plate of food in one hand and a cup of hot chocolate in the other. As she approached the lively group surrounding the blazing fireplace, they all looked up at her.

“Well well well,” Garnet greeted, sitting with one knee tucked under her elbow for support. “If it isn’t the party gem herself.”

Bismuth had her fist shoved into the flames, adjusting the logs to get a better pyramid shape. “You come to try out some s’mores?”

“Some more what?” Jasper questioned, perplexed, and Bismuth let out a hearty laugh.

“They’re actually called s’mores!” Connie added, scooting back over for Bismuth to reclaim her spot. “You take a skewer, put a marshmallow at the end, and stick it near the fire until it’s crispy on the outside and gooey on the inside.” 

“Or you just do what I do,” Garnet cracked a knowing smirk, taking her own stick and shoving the white fluffy marshmallow directly into the fire. She removed it a second later and blew out the flames that had ignited on the surface, leaving it charred. She bit it off the tip of the stick in one bite and hummed in satisfaction.

“Or you can just eat ‘em right outta the bag,” Biggs, the cocoa-colored jasper, popped into the conversation as well, tossing one of the puffy confections right into her mouth.

“Come sit,” Ocean purred, patting the floor space in between herself and Biggs. Nervously, Jasper accepted the invite and squeezed in between them. 

“This is probably the weirdest human custom I’ve seen to date,” the quartz jested, grabbing a stick from the middle of their circle and a marshmallow from the bag Biggs held out to her. “I don’t understand it at all. Who even thought of this idea?”

“I don’t either, but they sure do taste good,” the blue and pink jasper replied in her soothing voice, their knees brushing together in the close quarters so they could all reach out to the fire. But Jasper didn’t flinch at all from the contact. The past was far behind her, and she had made a promise to never turn back. Jasper watched and mimicked her fellow quartz as she held the marshmallow up against the wall of flames, just barely grazing it, and turned it gradually to let every side heat up equally. She waited until the outside color was perfectly toasted and light brown before copying Garnet and biting it off all at once. The outside crust crunched between her teeth and the warm, gooey insides exploded in her mouth, sugary and melty and  _ so delicious _ . Dreamy stars filled her eyes. 

“Wow…”

“S’mores are my favorite part of camping. Oh, Jasper- we  _ have  _ to go camping together, it’ll be so much fun!” Connie offered ecstatically.

“Before that, though-” Bismuth interrupted, pointing her skewer at the quartz. “You should stop by the farm and let me know if you want a hut or not. You don’t have to stay on that couch forever, I’m serious! I can make you a cozy little home with your very own couch that you actually fit on.” 

Beside her, Ocean tapped her shoulder enthusiastically. “We would be neighbors!”

“Oh yeah, that would be sick,” Biggs said from her other side. “We have a whole jasper colony thing going on right now. We’re having a competition against the feldspars to see who can grow the tallest corn stalk.”

Jasper smiled at both of them, then lifted her chin confidently and addressed Bismuth. “You know what? I might just take you up on that offer.”

 

For the rest of the blustery afternoon, the crowd of gems and humans stayed sheltered and cozy in the beach house, enjoying their meal and the company. Soon, after the clock hit 6 PM, people were beginning to call it quits, but before anyone could venture out into the snowstorm, Steven called everyone over to the couch. They cleared off the coffee table to make room, and Steven retrieved Jasper’s camera from its safe spot on the bay window beside his bed. He brought it down, cradling it like a newborn in his palms. “We should take a picture!”

Jasper took her beloved toy into her hands, but it was snatched away by Greg. “You can’t take the picture, you have to be in it!” he insisted, then gave the quartz a nudge. She followed after Steven to where everyone was posing themselves across the length of the couch and on and in front of the coffee table. Steven guided Jasper right to the middle of the sofa, where he sat her down and climbed into her lap. Amethyst sat on the back of the couch over her shoulder and rest an elbow on the quartz’s head. Garnet to the left, Pearl to the right, Peridot and Lapis perched on the table in front, the off-colored gems she had come to befriend at one end, Bismuth and her two jasper sisters at the other… She was surrounded by everyone. She wrapped her arms around Steven, hugging him close. 

“Oh nuts, I haven’t used a Polaroid in forever!” Greg struggled for a moment, backing far away from the crowd of gems and humans alike until he was pressed against the fridge. He held the device up to his face and framed everyone; “Alright, say cheese!”

A resounding “ _ cheese _ !” filled the room as everyone froze like statues, making silly faces and flashing peace signs above each other’s head. Filled with euphoria, Jasper grinned as wide as she could.

 

After the party died down and it was just herself and the four crystal gems to clean up the aftermath, Jasper plopped onto the couch with a grunt. She held the photo up to the light, tilting it side to side to absorb all of the smiles. They had captured a beautiful moment, and she wanted to gaze upon it forever and hold onto the bliss bubbling in her soul. An idea dawned on her, and she grabbed a pen from the storage space beneath the loft, where they kept all of the board games. Jasper scribbled a title onto the photo, an inscription to last forever. 

 

_ Family _ .

 

Serenity washed over her like the rolling ocean waves onto the sandy beach, and the quartz laid back on the couch, clutching the photograph to her chest, yellow eyes slipping shut. 

 

She smiled peacefully.

 

Her big heart swelled with love for her family, and Jasper knew she would never let that go.


	9. EPILOGUE: The Sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue - Jasper visits some extended family.

Jasper shifted nervously in the ship’s comfy chair, thrumming her nails against the armrest. Amethyst placed a hand on her blue-green stained shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze, then leaned over her left side, her hair getting in the way of Jasper’s line of sight. “Dude, I’m serious. There’s no reason to be scared, they’re gonna love you! Just wait, you’ll see. And then you’ll be like ‘Oh, Amethyst, you were sooo right! I’m just a big dumb-dumb scaredy cat, and you’re big and strong and muscular!’” 

Jasper snorted, giving her sister an elbow to the gut. “Shut up, runt. You wish.” 

They approached the structure, and Pearl slowed the spacecraft to a landing speed as the docking doors opened for them. Jasper could already see them; gems crowding the windows of the Zoo to get a peek of the incoming ship. They waved, and Amethyst threw herself over the pilot console to get a better look. “Oh shit, there they are!” she shrieked in delight.

It felt like an eternity as Pearl eased the ship into the landing bay, parking it and powering down the controls. “Alright, we’re here,” she announced, motioning for the door. “Remember, this isn’t a vacation, you guys can do that later. We have to be at Homeworld in two hours, so don’t take all day!”

Amethyst bolted for the door, slamming her hand on the blinking  _ OPEN  _ button, and waved a dismissive hand to the slender gem. “Yeah yeah yeah, whatever! We’ll take however long we want! This is a damn  _ reunion _ , Pearl!”

Jasper trailed after Amethyst, shooting Pearl a look that screamed ‘ _ Pray to the stars for me _ ’, but Pearl smiled reassuringly. “You’ll fit right in,” she whispered, flashing an encouraging thumbs up. 

Shrugging her tense shoulders, Jasper fought back the  _ what-ifs  _ threatening her mind. ‘ _ What if they hate you? _ ’ They don’t. ‘ _ What if they’re disgusted by you? _ ’ They aren’t. ‘ _ What if you’re nothing like them?’  _ You are.

She took in a deep breath, centering herself before puffing up her chest and confidently striding after the smaller quartz gem. Before they could even make it to the entryway, a wave of amethysts and jaspers barreled through the doors, all yelling and hooting. Most of the purple gems went directly for Amethyst, who launched herself into their arms, giggling like mad. Jasper stayed back, but her eyes widened as she made eye contact with one of the jaspers. They were the same color, spare the blue-green that splotched Jasper’s shoulders and hands. 

“Wait wait wait, guys!” Amethyst leaped from the mountain of welcoming amethyst arms and landed beside Jasper, posing dramatically. “I have someone I want you to meet. This is… Jasper~!”

Realization seemed to set in like a blanket on the crowd of hivemind-like gems, and they all swarmed around Jasper, hugging her and bumping against her. A cluster of red and orange striped jaspers wiggled their way between the sea of purple, reaching up to pinch her cheeks, touch her hands, and tugging her down to their height. She noticeably towered over everyone, even the distinctly tall amethyst guards. 

“No way you’re  _ the  _ Jasper.”

“Are you kidding?! Of course it’s her, just look at this beauty!”

“I thought she was a myth!”

“No, I popped out right beneath her, I knew she was real!”

A smaller red gem, only a tad bit taller than Amethyst, tackled Jasper directly and she nearly stumbled backward, but she caught the gem in her strong arms. “The Great Beta Kindergarten Quartz That Could!” she squealed, hugging Jasper around the neck. “I’ve always wanted to meet you! I never thought this day would come!”

An unusually skinny jasper approached as well, placing her hands on her thin hips. “A little late to the party, aren’t you?” she teased, giving Jasper an impish smirk. She returned it with a smug half-grin of her own.

“Just by a few millennia.”

“Wooow, what?! You have horns?!” The red gem in her arms touched the very tip of her mismatched blue-green horns, her eyes glittering. “That’s so cool!  _ I  _ want horns, too!”

Amethyst lingered on the outside of the mob of quartzes, watching contently. Jasper met her unexpectedly gentle gaze, and mouthed ‘ _ help me _ ’, and Amethyst chuckled. She mouthed back an ‘ _ I told you so! _ ’ and Jasper immediately knew she would get shit for the rest of their ride to Homeworld.

Surrounded by gems from Earth, gems who had been grown in the same dirt as she had been, gems from the same  _ Kindergarten _ filled Jasper’s big heart with an insurmountable bliss. This really was her family away from home. These were her sisters. 

 

And she fit right in, little horns and all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!!! Here's a tiny extra bit that I really just had to include. Someone made a comment about wanting to see Jasper interact with the Famethyst and I was like "SHIT ME TOO" so I knew I wanted to tack this on at the end. ; )


	10. The Poppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper gets a lesson on gardening and growth after she accidentally destroys Peridot's flowers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Here's just a super short new chapter of this lovely fic, because I can't stay away from it. This is for Jaspidot week, but it's more of a friend thing since I wanted to keep shipping out of this fic, but I still love these two interacting in any way! This takes place after a few months, winter has passed and now it's the beginning of spring, so Jasper has settled down for quite a while now.

Jasper launched the fist-sized rock across the field with a grunt. She had become the dedicated thrower, with the strongest arm and furthest distance. The group of horned quartzes scattered from their huddle in the middle of the clearing and chased after the rock. Steven insisted on buying the rowdy squad of gems footballs to toss around instead, but they took a vote and decided against it. Rocks were much more fun to play with. 

Though she towered over her fellow quartz ex-soldiers and guards, they treated her as if she was normal-sized. It was a full-contact sport with rough tackles and shoving and the occasional scuffle in the dirt. But it was all in good fun and they always left dusty but happy at the end of the day. Every now and then, Bismuth would join in as well, but it mainly became a quartz-oriented game. Jasper liked it like that.

The tables flipped and suddenly her team was on the receiving side. They kept the rules loose and nondescript, but the main goal was to get the rock to the opposing team’s side without losing it. The randomized teams were always the Red Stripe team and the Blue Stripe team, and Jasper, of course, was the delegated Red Stripe team leader. They kept buckets of red and blue paint nearby to mark their designated team’s colors across their faces. It made Jasper feel included, though it always made her gut-laugh to see unstriped quartzes with smears of color dripping down their cheeks.

Jasper bolted for the other side of the field, the end dangerously close to Lapis and Peridot’s farmland. They marked their home bases with the matching colors of their team, coating the grass day after day. It pissed Peridot off so much. 

Jasper dodged Biggs’s incoming tackle, flipping her with practiced ease onto her back, then blocked the intruding sun from her eyes. The rock arched through the air and she squinted as it disappeared into the blinding light, pacing backward to try and see it coming. It went soaring far above her head, and she dived for it. She landed face down in a strip of freshly watered dirt but sat up cupping the rock victoriously. As she spun back around, a cocky grin plastered to her face, her fellow teammates weren’t cheering. Instead, they stared in horror. 

Jasper spat hunks of fertilizer from her mouth, wiping off her muddy face with the back of a hand, and threw up her arms. “Hey, we scored a point!” she shouted to her distraught team. All at once, her fellow gems scrambled and ran away, and, unbeknownst to Jasper at the time, a triangularly shaped shadow appeared behind her. “Cowards, why are you running?!”

She finally turned back around, knees still buried into the soft dirt below her hulking form. Peridot stood there, as rigid as a pole, cradling a cardboard box. She wore a dirty green apron with some kind of three-pronged weapon poking out of the front pocket. Fluffy yellow flowers stuck out the top flap of the box. At last, Jasper glanced down to the patch of ground she had landed on, lifting her knee up to reveal a row of crushed petals and stems. “Oh here we go…” she murmured under her breath, tossing the rock over her shoulder and struggling to her feet. 

Peridot sucked in a deep breath, her cheeks turning bright blue and her face twisting in a rage far too powerful to be contained in her small body. “ _ JASPER!  _ What did you do?!”

Jasper crossed her arms over her chest defiantly, shrugging her broad shoulders. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to,” she apologized halfheartedly, throwing a glance over to where the rest of her team had scurried off to. She itched to follow them, to escape the impending doom she was about to face.

“Sorry isn’t good enough right now, I just planted those flowers this morning!” the pint-sized gem screeched, dropping the cardboard box to the ground to wave her arms about expressively. “You just  _ had  _ to come and ruin everything like usual, huh?!”

Jasper twitched. “ _ Like usual?  _ Name the last time I ruined something on purpose.”

“Just the other day when you tipped over an entire bucket of chicken food! And you didn’t even say sorry then!” 

The quartz soldier scoffed, tossing her fluffy mane of hair to the side. “What’re you trying to do here, scare me? Do you really think I’m scared of you, runt?”

Peridot clenched her fists tight, raising them up. “No, but you should be!” she threatened, baring her tiny but deadly teeth. “I’m gonna tell Steven that you’re bullying me!”

That was it, the finishing blow. Jasper’s hackles lowered and she frowned deeply. “Fine. Can I help fix your flowers?”

The tech gem snorted, letting out one of her signature cackles. It grated against Jasper’s ears like nails on a chalkboard. “You? Help  _ me  _ with the delicate process of gardening? That’s a good one! Your brutish hands could never be gentle enough to handle such an important task!”

Jasper’s sunny eyes rolled dramatically, and she crouched to Peridot’s level to give her a warning glower. “I’ve gotten pretty good at that whole 'being gentle' thing. Just the other day, Steven called me a gentle giant. But fine, is there anything else I could do to make it up to you?” 

Now that the massive gem had moved away from the row of destroyed flowers, Peridot approached them, her gloomy eyes flickering behind her pointed visor. The tiny gem’s expression tugged at Jasper’s heart, and the tingly sensation of guilt washed over her. “No, I guess not…” came Peridot’s defeated reply.

“C’mon, genius. There has to be something I can do. Do you… need me to lift anything heavy? I’m pretty good at that.” Peridot ignored her, bending down and running her fingers through the damp soil, clicking her tongue.

“Ah- I got it. I’ll make you pull weeds. Lapis is usually here to do it, but she went… somewhere, I don’t know where.” The energetic twinkle returned to the green gem’s eyes, and she motioned towards Jasper with a finger. “Follow me.”

It still boggled Jasper’s mind how she was taking orders from a lowly Peridot. Deep inside, she still had an instinctual knee-jerk reaction. She wanted to bite back, scold the pint-sized gem, put her back in her place. But she had gotten used to nipping nasty, egocentric comments in the butt before they reached the tip of her tongue. Things were much different on Earth. It amused her, though, how Peridot marched ahead with her shoulders squared. Sometimes the quartz wondered if the tiny gem knew that she wasn’t quartz-sized. She sure acted like it.

“Show me what to do,” Jasper demanded as they stopped at a patch of land overtaken by twisting vines and little sprouts between thick, fuzzy stalks.

“It’s simple,” Peridot stated, dropping to her knees. Jasper copied her obediently. “You see these pesky things? You just…” The gem dug into the firm dirt and uprooted the withering green plant. “Yank it out!”

“Why don’t you just leave them in the ground?” Jasper questioned, tilting her head curiously. 

“Because, they’re bad,” Peridot answered matter-of-factly, showing Jasper the thin and intricate strand of roots protruding from the base of the weed. “They suck the life out of other plants.”

“Well if they’re stronger than the other plants, why stop them?” 

Peridot gave Jasper’s shoulder a stern shove, and the quartz caught herself from tumbling over with a single hand. “Jasper, that’s not the point of a garden. Maybe that’s what happens in the wilderness, but a garden is meant to be properly maintained. You can’t have life-sucking weeds running amok when you’re trying to keep pretty flowers alive!” The green gem pointed, reaching up and stroking the petals of the thick flowers looming above them. “My poor sunflowers are struggling so much because of these stupid vines. Every time we chop them up, they grow right back, and I can’t figure out why.”

“So weeds are like corruption. They spread until they take over everything.” Jasper mimicked what Peridot had done, picking one of the mangled green plants that grew low to the ground and ripping it from the dirt. It felt oddly satisfying to tear out the unwanted plant. She was protecting the other flowers by doing so. It made her big heart swell. 

“Alright, while you do that, I’m going to go try and clean up after the mess you made.” Jasper dove right into her assigned work, joyful to have a useful purpose for the afternoon. Playing was fun, but she quickly wore herself out from the games she and her quartz family participated in every day. She hadn’t dug her hands into the mud for a while to simply  _ work _ . So she worked feverishly under the blazing sun, shielded by her mass of white hair. Soon enough, the plot of sunflowers had been fully cleared from the annoying weeds, but the vines that wrapped around the necks of the stalky flowers remained. 

The quartz soldier scratched her chin quizzically, surveying the tangled mess of thorny vines to try and make sense of their pattern. Always one to be logical and thoughtful, she traced one line of the vines with her eyes, following it under and over and around until she reached the edge of the plot of dirt. The vines originated from there, tucked beneath an inconspicuous hill of pebbles. She kicked them away to reveal the root of the problem; the vines grew from the ground. 

Jasper wrapped some of the vines around her knuckles, the prickly thorns jabbing her tough skin, though she didn’t mind. She gave the invasive plant a hard  _ yank _ and uprooted it in its entirety. Right on cue, Peridot appeared with a gasp. 

“Did you get it?!” she exclaimed, grabbing the bundle of roots and examining it closely. “Amazing… I don’t even know how this is possible! It must’ve migrated all the way over here from the other side of the barn…” 

Jasper released her grip on the vines, hissing as she turned her blue-green splotched hand over to inspect the scratch marks left by the thorns. “Damn…” she cursed under a steamy breath. 

“Oh, hey- can I use you over here for a second?” The tech gem didn’t give Jasper much of a choice, grabbing her elbow and dragging the hulking quartz back over to the scene of her crime. Peridot had cleaned up the poor squashed flowers and had tilled and neatened up the rich soil back to her personal standards. She plopped to the grass beside the plot of dirt, and Jasper followed suit. “I wanted to at least show you how to do this in case you ever ruin my garden again and you want to fix it on your own. A garden is like a Kindergarten- see, they even sound the same!” She caught herself off guard and stopped to giggle at her very unfunny joke. Jasper smirked. 

“Anyway- it’s a similar concept. You take some seeds…” the hyperactive gem continued, overly excited by her hobby. Jasper listened and watched intently, drawn in by the gem’s elated face. She reached into her cardboard box and pulled out a small paper packet and ripped it open, pouring a few minuscule droplets into the palm of her hand. The quartz leaned in to get a closer look. “And you bury it into fertile earth, just like an injector. You have to apply lots of care and attention to them or they won’t grow properly.” Her blue tongue stuck from the corner of her mouth as she concentrated, sprinkling the seeds into a shallow indent she had dug into the dirt. 

Jasper held out her hand, wiggling her fingers. “Let me try.”

The smaller gem recoiled, hugging the packet of seeds close to her chest. “I don’t know how I feel about that. Your hands are… big. And you’re… big. These seeds are tiny, this is really just a job for a gem like me-”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to show me how to do it?” Jasper backed Peridot into a corner with her critical words, and she cracked a triumphant grin as the gem shrunk in embarrassment. 

“Okay, fine. Just- be careful!” With a frustrated groan, the tech gem dumped a few of the seeds into Jasper’s awaiting hand, and they were like microscopic dots against her orange skin. “Don’t put them too close together. You can’t have overcrowding or else…” The other gem’s squeaky voice dropped off, and she gave a knowing glance towards the striped quartz. “It’ll uh… be a mess. Like Beta.” 

Jasper’s head snapped and her intense yellow glare burns holes into the side of Peridot’s head. “What are you trying to say?”

“Come on, it’s a well-known fact that your Kindergarten was vastly inferior to Prime,” Peridot started, holding up a defensive hand. “It was a rush job, for a good reason. But still, there wasn’t enough precision or care taken to ensure a healthy growth cycle.” Jasper's piercing yellow gaze narrowed, and Peridot shrunk further, covering a mouth with a small green hand. "Stop before you go too far down this road, runt," the quartz mumbled. "Okay, okay! I'm sorry. That came off worse than I wanted it to. That's no insult to you. You couldn't help the situation you were born into, but you came out fine! I think." "My sisters are fine, too. All of them. There isn't a single one that isn't perfect in my eyes." With a swift lunge, Jasper gripped the front of Peridot's star-crested shirt and tugged her closer. "I know it's always been a hard thing for you, but shut up." Peridot squeaked, wiggling in from Jasper's admittedly forgiving grasp. They had spent plenty of time together, enough time for Jasper to know that Peridot's insults meant little to nothing. Jasper didn't feel threatened, though she enjoyed the moment of adrenaline as fear flashed behind Peridot's emerald-colored eyes. It only lasted for a short moment, as Peridot had learned, in return, that Jasper had grown soft. Sometimes too soft. She released the smaller gem and watched in amusement as she scurried backward, smoothing down her crumpled outfit. Jasper cupped the seeds in her large palm as carefully as possible, moving her fiery gaze to the second dip in the loose soil. With perfectly steady hands, Jasper dumped the seeds into the dirt. “What kind of flowers are these?” she asked, sure that her interest in the subject would get Peridot back on track.

“Oh- they’re poppies. You see those red ones over there? That’s what these will be after a while.” Peridot pointed to a plot of rounded blossoms a few plots down, and Jasper’s eyes twinkled as they danced in the soft late afternoon breeze. “After you put the seeds in the ground, you have to cover them up, like so.” The tech gem gleefully filled the small hole with more dirt, then gave the mound a delicate pat. Jasper followed her lead, working meticulously to smooth out the earth. “And there! We’re done. It’s a high-level task, so I don’t expect you to understand it all immediately. You have to keep them watered or else they die, but you can’t water them too much or they’ll drown. Those are the basics of gardening, though.”

Jasper hummed to herself, shifting from her knees to sit on her butt, and rested her chin on her hand. “So… now what?” Beside her, Peridot hoisted her small frame to her feet. 

“You have to wait. They’re not going to appear right away. It takes a lot of time and patience. As long as you don’t destroy them again, clod.” With a playful smile, Peridot gave Jasper’s shoulder a friendly pat before hurrying away, leaving Jasper with the newly planted seeds. The wind stirred the plants around her to life, leaves shuffling against each other and sounding like a deep sigh of relief. The quartz inhaled a mouthful of aromatic scents that blanketed her in a peculiar warmness. Sitting alone in the garden, she wasn’t alone. She hovered her hand cautiously over the spot where she had injected the seeds.

“Don’t worry,” she grumbled, bending over close enough for the seeds to hear. “We’re the same. I took a lot of time and patience, too, and I’m still growing. It will be a long and hard journey, but you’ll have plenty of people to take care of you. And it’ll all be worth it when you grow enough to finally feel the warm sun.” She felt dumb talking to a pile of dirt, but she could almost hear the seeds whisper back to her. The quartz flipped her heavy white hair back over her shoulder and rose to her feet. She stepped over the different plots of multi-colored blooms until she reached the red ones- the  _ poppies _ . 

The hulking gem crouched again, shaking the sensation of being terribly out of place in the fragile rows of precisely grown flowers. She admired them at first, before reaching out and caressing the scarlet petals. They matched her distinctive red stripe, and she couldn’t help an amused chuckle. She plucked one of the poppies from its spot and nestled it safely into her hair beside her uneven horns. 

As the ex-soldier marched away from the farm, she tossed one last longing glance to the breathing greenery. She smiled contently and brushed the remaining rich soil that clung to her hands off on her stained pants. 


End file.
